Getting Stuck

Yesterday was my first appointment with Jenny the accupunturist. I wasn't sure how I would do with acupuncture and as you will learn I'm still not too sure. The whole idea of Eastern medicine is "out there" to me; I mean I believe that vitamins and some herbs are good for you and can be a great supplement to Western medicine but the idea of sticking needles into my body to help me relax seemed and seems a bit weird. But what the heck, if it works I'll be strutting around in a kimono for the rest of my life!

Anyhow, my appointment was at 11am and I got there a little bit early because I had to fill out some questionnaires about the extent of my infertility. I was greeted at the door by Boomer, Jenny's black lab, who sat with me while I filled out my paper work. Most of the questions were about how my body works, if I'm normally hot or cold, if I get colds a lot, do I pee regularly, and other stuff about my period which I won't go into because even some rivers are too wide to cross! Once I was done I was led into a room with a massage table and a desk and chairs, new age music in the background and tons of Asian artwork, lamps, rugs and other stuff decorating the room. Boomer came with me. I was starting to feel like I had gotten myself in to some weird cult like situation and then I met Jenny.

I don't know why but she wasn't what I was expecting. She was a middle aged, overweight, white hippie woman that said "shit" within the first few sentences out of her mouth. She was funny and weird, but I liked her and she relaxed me quite a bit. We sat and talked for a little, realizing that she lived two blocks from where I grew up, and then we got down to business. Now let me start by saying that I really do believe that she knew what she was talking about and you could tell that she practiced what she preached. She asked me to lay on the table, on my back and the first thing she did was ask to touch my stomach with one hand and my upper rib cage area with the other.

Diagnosis #1- I have a cold uterus.

It was weird because I could feel the difference when I touched the areas; my stomach area was much colder. But what the cold uterus means, I dunno? The next set of questions led her to the next diagnosis:

#2- I have great kidneys.

Apparently if you have thick hair your kidneys ROCK! There were other qualifications for this diagnosis but all I really remember was the thick hair part. Finally all that hair has a purpose! My other diagnosis were:

#3- Excess body heat
#4- Excess blood (or something like that?!)

So after telling me about my ailments it was time to begin with the pricking. I was laying on my back with pillows under my head and knees. There was a small heat lamp over my abdomen, warming up my cold uterus. The new age music was turned up and just as I was trying to make out what the singer was trying to say, which was not in English, I got my first puncture.

For some reason I was under the delusion that these needles would be so tiny that I wouldn't really feel them, WRONG! The first needle was about two inches under my belly button and I definitely felt it. The next two in my belly didn't hurt and the ones on my hand, arm, leg and forehead didn't bother me either, but then there was the one on my foot, my right foot to be exact. The needle went in to the vein right next to my ankle bone on the inside of my foot and man did that sting. Jenny's excuse for that one is that that was the spot that is inline with my kidneys and since my kidneys are so awesome that it might hurt a little. Whatever.

Once Jenny was done she left me, the heating lamp, and the crazy new age lady singing some weird music alone for about 30 minutes. I will admit that it was relaxing having the heating lamp on me, it was dark and raining outside and that little bit of heat made me feel warm and cozy. But every time I would open my eyes I could see this needle sticking out of my forehead and I'll be honest, it freaked me out a little. After laying there and trying to relax for a half and hour Jenny came back, removed the needles and sent me on my way, with an appointment to come back next week.

That was it, my first experience with Acupuncture. I still don't know how I was suppose to feel and to some extent wondering if I did the relaxing part right. Jenny told me to order this book about Infertility and Eastern medicine, so like a sucker I did. I guess I'll try anything once. I go back again next Wednesday, back to redo this whole weird thing again. Hopefully by then someone will tell me how this is supposed to work?!