A Big Scare!

Sorry it's been a long time since I last spoke to many of you, we have had a small hiccup on my bumpy road to motherhood but now, at last, I think things are moving in the right direction again. Whew.

This past Saturday night at around 10pm I began bleeding, heavily and for no apparent reason. It was really scary and Nat and I were both understandable terrified so we made a bee-line for the hospital. The emergency room on a Saturday night is not fun, it wasn't full, but we had to wait over an hour for a room. I guess you could say we were lucky to get a room and not a bed with drapes pulled around it in the middle of the room, but we got one with a bathroom and a door!

The nurse came in right away and started me on an IV drip and a doctor closely followed with a ultrasound machine to check things out. Right away I saw the baby, I didn't know if I should be relieved or upset that I had to see this, but there it was so they decided I should get a better ultrasound to check things out. After about another hour I was wheeled over to another part of the hospital for a much better ultrasound and to me it was clear that the baby was doing just fine and everything looked A-OK.

Of course I was still bleeding and not having a medical degree hinders a little in the diagnosis stage so Nat and I were wheeled back to our room and told a doctor would go over all of the ultrasound pictures and let us know what was going on. After nodding off a few times and trying to hold a conversation while sleep deprived the doctor finally came in the room with the diagnosis, I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. A what?!

A subchorionic hemorrhage is when a sac of fluid that had been developing along side of the embryonic sac decides to rupture and some or all of that fluid leaks out. After visits to the hospital, my doctor and then a visit today at Maternal Fetal Medicine I still only slightly understand what really happened, what I gather is that they aren't very common but they are usually not harmful to the baby.

YAY!!!

You can google it if you want, I could go on forever explaining what I think it is, but my answer would probably contain only about 50% fact and the only part I really cared about was the part where they said the baby was fine. The fluid sac is still inside me, I saw it on the ultrasound today, and the doctor said I could possibly have another crazy bleeding episode, but not to worry. (I still will anyhow!)

On a good note my nausea and vomiting marathons are coming to a close and although I'm still unable to eat a lot of foods what I am eating is staying in. Plus today my mother got to come to my ultrasound with me and see her grandchild upclose and personal, we got a great profile shot and the heartrate was 153 which is nice and strong.

Well we are getting some thunder and heavy rain right now so the I'm going to get off of the computer. Talk to you all soon!!!!

Getting Bigger!!

Today was our last visit to The Fertility Center, on to our OB/GYN!!!

Everything looked great, baby is starting to look like a baby and while they were doing the ultrasound he/she was moving all over the place. The heartbeat was 162 bpm and the baby is measuring 9weeks 4 days, one day off of the last measurement but baby wasn't fully cooperating by sitting still for the ultrasound tech. My weight has almost stabilized again, I was only down about half a pound since Tuesday, so they were excited about that as well.

On a bad note for me, my miracle drug Zofran ran out today, my insurance will only cover 12 pills a month, so Nat and I are thinking about forking over the $250 it will cost to get 12 more pills. Stupid insurance. The stuff really does seem to work for me though, it knocks me down to getting sick only once or twice a day, which beats the 5 times I got sick yesterday when I decided to test the water without the drugs. Yuck!

Well today is Nat and my 5th wedding anniversary so I am going to go and spend some quality time with my husband, watching soap operas while he plays video games. That's true love!! I hope you all have a great holiday weekend!

I'm IV proof!!

So how many puncture wounds can you find in these pictures?? The last picture actually has two; one is on the wrist one on the hand, to bring the grand total to 6 sticks. Now what, may you ask, causes one to be stuck by a needle 6 times?? Well there is one hole due to blood work, four holes made in attempt to find a viable vein for an IV and one hole that the IV actually decided to work in. Just imagine how much fun that was!!!

Here is the real low down on what happened. I have been getting sick a lot, four or five times a day, and the medicine that my doctor was prescribing me wasn't getting the time it needed in me to work. I had been in touch with my doctor almost every day letting him know what was going on and how the drugs weren't staying in and neither was most of my foods and liquids. Finally yesterday they had either had enough of me calling and complaining or they were getting worried too, maybe a little of both, and they told me to go and have some blood work done and then head over to their office to see the doctor.

I went for the blood work around 9:45am and was at my doctors office around 10:15am, they took me back to a small room, weighed me and took my blood pressure. (I was down 5 lbs. from last Friday and my blood pressure was 132/89, high for me.) After talking to Dr. Filer for about five minutes he decided to hook me up to an IV and try and rehydrate me, get some color back in my cheeks. He said he was going to try and get two 1000mL bags in me and that it would take about an hour. So Sue, the drug lady, went back to get the bags and all of the other paraphernalia and we were ready to begin.

Well stick one came on my right hand, she had the needle in and turned the drip on and I got this immediate stinging because, as I learned later, the vein was blocked and the fluid was just stretching the vein, ballooning it. On to the left hand, again problems with my veins, I guess when you are dehydrated your veins shrink so getting in there seemed to be a problem. This process went on again on my right wrist and then back to my left hand again, until finally they got the process to work in my left elbow area, where the blood had been taken about an hour before.

Needless to say this process took quite a while and by the time I had absorbed about 1 and 3/4 of the fluid it was 2pm and I was not only stir crazy but also nauseas and tired. The day was almost finished when Dr. Filer came in to let me know that before I went home I had to go back to the lab and have one more test done, I might have a kidney infection. UGH!!! Ok fine, just one more little side trip and then I can go back to my bed, lie down, and forget about this day. So around 2:30pm I was finally back home, full of fluids, and about to pass out. I did throw up again, only once though, and I think it was just as much the tired as the nausea on that one.

So now I am home, fighting with the nausea still, but thankful for the fight being in my own home. So far this morning the Zofran is working and nothing has made a repeat appearance. I am still both hungry and nauseas at the same time, which makes things interesting. Hopefully this stage will be peaking soon and then on the decline so I can get back to somewhat normal living. On the plus side I did learn yesterday that if I have to get IV fluids again that Dr. Filer will call a home health care nurse to come to my house to do it, yay for my own bed!!

Alright, saga over for now. I will talk to you all soon!!! 

Well here is baby!!

We just returned from our first ultrasound and boy was that awesome!! The baby is measuring 7 weeks and 5 days and the official due date is December 24th. (Almost exactly what I had picked!!) The best part of the ultrasound, by far, was getting to see the heartbeat and then being able to hear it. There is nothing like hearing that sound and then realizing that it is coming from inside you. AMAZING!! The heartbeat was nice and strong at 155 bpm and both the doctor and ultrasound tech. said that everything looked great!!

We are scheduled for our final visit with Dr. Filer on our 5th wedding anniversary, Friday May26th at 9am. We will have one last ultrasound and then are promoted to our OB/GYN. Woo-hoo!! Ok well I have to go eat lunch part #2 and take a nap to avoid getting sick, lovely huh?! I'll talk to you all soon!!! 

It Has Begun.........

Well we just returned from our first pre-natal visit and upon entering the house I got sick for the first time. I knew it was coming, I had some peanut butter crackers that weren't sitting quite well, and just like that I was running for the bathroom; yes I made it in time. So the next exciting chapter in my pregnancy has begun, the vomiting stage.

Right now I feel alright, I think I got all of the crackers out. I just hope that I can limit this new activity to once a day, I have a feeling that won't be the case though. My nurse practitioner already gave me a prescription for an anti-nausea drug that I can have filled at any time, but I am going to wait for at least a little while just to see how things will fare.

Well other than that our appointment went well, nothing new or exciting to report. We did schedule our first ultrasound for next Friday May 12th at 11:30am. I can't wait. That's all for now, I have to go lie down again.........

Feeling strange......

This past Saturday evening Nat's company had their 10-year Anniversary party at the Centre Club on the 16th floor of the Legg Mason building in Baltimore. We were so excited because we had heard there would be an awesome view but we got a bonus surprise when we learned that the 5th leg of the Volvo Ocean Race was ending that day in Baltimore. If you click on the picture you can get a larger view of the Waterfront Festival and the sailboats, the 3rd boat from the right is the Black Pearl, the Pirates of The Caribbean ship owned by Disney. (I think, Karen can tell me what I missed here!)

Anyhow the party was a lot of fun, the view was fantastic and at the end of the night the company handed the keys to a new 2006 Ford Mustang GT over to one lucky employee, and no it wasn't us, although if you would have asked Nat we were definitely walking away with those keys. The woman that won the car is a receptionist at his company and she is such a nice person that we were almost thankful that she won instead of us, she was there with her father and uncle who were in the same state of shock and amazement as she was. It was pretty cool!

To change the conversation I am beginning to really believe this whole pregnancy thing. It has taken some time to come to grips with it, believe that it's really happening, but when the nausea begins, it's real. Over the course of the past 48 hours it has been slowly creeping in, a little here and a little there. Nothing too bad yet, but I'm packing crackers wherever I go. Last night around 3am I was up for one of my nightly bathroom trips and man was my stomach ever going nuts, I felt like I was on one of those sailboats in choppy water! Fortunately I forced a few crackers down and was able to fall back to sleep but I have a feeling that wasn't a random event. Right now I am trying to figure out what to eat for lunch and my stomach is wanting none of anything, I need some advice here!!

Ok well I am going down to rummage through the cupboard and hopefully find something that will calm the beast within. I'll be back on Wednesday to update you all on our first pre-natal visit, talk to you soon!!!! 

Keep Em' Coming

So I guess this morning was a slow one at the Fertility Center because my results were back by 9am, usually they don't call until after 1pm. Anyhow, still looking good and progressing, my HCG was 3,487 this morning which is still above average, but not high enough to be twins. (Very OK with that!!) Michelle, my nurse practitioner, set up our first pre-natal visit for Wednesday May 3rd at 7:30am and Nat and I are super excited!!! I found out that the first ultrasound won't be until the following week, she said two-weeksish from today. She really did say weeksish.

Other than that things are relatively quiet here. We still haven't sold our house and we are both getting a little discouraged with the whole process, but with everything else that's going on, who cares!!! Well I am heading back to bed, I wasn't expecting that phone call so early and I was actually sleeping again. (tough life, huh?) I will definitely keep everyone posted on my progress and when weird things begin happening to my body, you will be the first to know....

Quick Update

Today I went back for another round of blood work to check my HCG levels and my progesterone levels. Both, thankfully, were great. My HCG level rose from 89 on monday to 594 today and my progesterone levels which had fallen from 24 down to 15 last week, were back up at a little higher than 19. Woo-Hoo!!!!

The next step is yet another round of blood work on tuesday and then we are released to our OB/GYN. Sue, the drug lady at the clinic, told me that they like to see the levels over 1,000 before they let us go. According to what I'm reading I might be getting my first ultrasound soon, maybe not next week but the week following (first week of May). They can see the gestational sac once the HCG levels hit 2000 and by tuesday I should be around 2500; I know with IVF patients they like to confirm the number of gestational sacs ASAP!!

Ok well I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Congrats again to Amy Mishler and husband Matt, they found out yesterday that they are having a baby girl!!! YAY!!!!

PREGNANT!!!!

After almost two years and 6 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's and 1 FET and a whole lot of aches and pains, a plus sign!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!!!!????

Nat and I are still letting it sink in and still keeping our fingers crossed. We are about 15 days pregnant, so not too much going on. My blood work, done yesterday, showed an HCG (human growth hormone) level of 89 which the doctors said was right on average and on Friday I return for another round of blood work to make sure my levels are still rising.

As for me, I'm just sleepy. I have doubled my Progesterone to keep my uterus happy and one of the side effects of the Progesterone is lethargy and man do I have that. I don't mind staying off of my feet right now, if it gives me a better chance of staying prego I'll do just about anything!

Now on to the most asked question, when will we know how many are in there? Well I think, and I'm not sure, that by eight weeks I will have my first ultrasound. Since this isn't a normal pregnancy, I will be considered "high risk" and will be in the doctors office more than normal prego's. Nat is positive that there is more than one in there, my mom told me this morning that she would be just fine with three, and Michelle told her husband that I was having quads. (No birthday gift for you!!)

As for me I still can't believe that it's happening. I still can't believe that it worked, all of this mad scientist stuff, the shots, the pills, the talking to my uterus, it worked! And to you, all of your prayers, words of encouragement, and positive thinking; can I get an "Amen"!! We still have a long road ahead but getting to this point is just a thrill and a miracle. (By the way did I tell you that I found out that I was pregnant on Easter Sunday and that my due date is Christmas Day.)

Well that's the best news I could muster up today, hehe. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, like I said we have a long road.

Side notes:
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too Shannon, this is our month!!

Donna, you are in my prayers and I am hoping to hear only good things from your camp in the next few days. Your strength encourages me, keep fighting!!

Holy Crap!!!!

Hello from Nat's office in the basement!! For some reason I am wide awake at midnight on Friday, that's late for us, and I forgot the book I'm currently reading upstairs in the bedroom. I am not allowed to do stairs, well not a lot, so I am pretty much stuck down here with bad nighttime TV and a computer, so here we are.

I thought I would give you all an update on the transfer and the nightmare scenario that ensued leading up to the big event; yes it had to do with the water. As for right now I am doing really well. I made it through the 24-hour bed rest with little excitement and besides some miniscule cramping; I am doing better than I could have hoped. This has definitely been the easiest treatment thus far and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is somehow relevant to the outcome.

But on to the water torture.

So my transfer was scheduled for 11:30am and they ask that you arrive at the office about 30 minutes prior so you can get into the fashionable hospital gown and they can go over the procedure. For some stupid, but medically relevant, reason they need you to have a full bladder for the procedure and they ask that you consume about 64oz. of water by an hour before the procedure.

Now you know how I tried to cheat last time and got caught, I thought water would travel through the body faster and quickly learned that I wasn't the medical professional in charge so making up my own rules wasn't so smart. I wasn't even close to having a half full bladder so I had to wait for all of the water I had mischievously finished only minutes earlier to find it's way down to the bladder. I felt rotten that I had to hold everyone up so I figured this time I would follow the rules.

I finished my water at 10:45am, I was 15 minutes late, but I was confident that it wouldn't matter. Nat and I headed to the Fertility Center and by the time we arrived, 10 minutes later, I was in pain. I was like a little kid trying to rearrange myself on the chair, rutching around as we say it here in York, trying to find a spot that would keep me from letting loose right there in the waiting room. Thank goodness we were the only ones there because with my little dancing it was obvious what was going on.

By 11:10am I was dying, I mean I thought I was about to blow a kidney. Jamie, the office manager, must have seen my routine from behind that doctor barrier wall in the waiting room and said that if I could control myself I could go to the bathroom, count to 5, and then I had to stop. I could have kissed her. I didn't even stop to consider that maybe I couldn't control myself, which I did, I ran to the bathroom and damn did that feel good. (Had to swear)

I came back out to the room, sat down with Nat and began to wonder what the hold up was. Nat and I chatted for about 5 minutes when that pain and pressure came back again. I stood up and walked around, sat down, fidgeted in my seat and then looked up for Jamie to tell me that I could go again, but she wasn't there. In fact no one was behind the desk. I looked to Nat for some guidance but he didn't know any more that I did, crap, crap, crap. It was now 11:25am and I knew there was no way, no way that I could hold it until the transfer.

So I went again, counted to 5, and snuck out of the bathroom before getting caught.

Once again, sweet relief, I still felt full but I wasn't in pain. It was almost that exact moment when Sue, the drug lady, came to take me back for the transfer. She stupidly asked me how I was doing, was she kidding?? I made it known that my transfer was supposed to be at 11:30am and here we are and I'm just being taken back to the tranfer/retreival waiting room. She apologized that they were running behind and had me change in to the wonderful hospital gown.

When I came out of the bathroom from changing I sat down in the chair they had set up for me and Sue went over the procedures and made me sign some stuff. About this time I realized that once again I was cramping up from the full bladder, can you believe this? I couldn't, I felt like a skipping record. I told Sue that there was no way they could expect me to hold a full bladder for any longer, they were running late and this was no longer an issue of comfort. She let me know that it would be another 15 minutes before I went in for the procedure so I could go again, this time there was no counting.

This time I was given a Styrofoam cup.

Oh yeah, I was given an 8 oz. coffee cup and told I could fill this up and no more. Boy was that fun. The cup looked so big and yet it turned out to be so small, but it worked for a little bit longer. I was now waiting only on Dr. Filer to show pictures of my embryos and for them to take me in the procedure room. About 5 minutes passed when Lisa, the ultrasound lady, came out of the procedure room to ask me how I was doing, hello?? Obviously she had been briefed that I was on bathroom break number #3 and was worried that I still felt so badly. She promised me that they were moving fast to get me in and as soon as they escorted me back she would do a quick ultrasound to check my bladder and then let me go a little more.

As soon as she turned around to leave the room Dr. Filer came in and showed me the 4, that's right, 4 embryos that we transferred. Two embryos were from this cycle, one a grade I and one a grade II, and two were thawed from my cryobank, both were grade II's. (Grade I is the best, IV being the worst.) I don't even remember what he said to me, or anything after that, until Lisa came back to take me over to the transfer room. To illustrate how much pain I was in I could barely get out of my chair and I couldn't stand strait, the pain on my right side was so intense I walked with a swagger.

I hobbled across the hall and into the special chair they have, Lisa reclined the chair and started the ultrasound. As soon as she started the ultrasound Michelle, the physician’s assistant, came in the room, looked at the screen and said "wow". A second later Dr. Filer came in the room and said the exact same thing, same tone and everything. "Ok", I asked, "that was two "wow's" is there something I should know?" Well Lisa turned the monitor of the ultrasound machine towards me and I immediately got the same wow feeling, my bladder took up the whole screen!

It looked like it had swallowed every available inch in my lower abdomen. I was then informed that the pain I was experiencing was my bladder pressing my right ovary, which was swollen to 4 times it's normal size, into my cervix. Awesome. At this point I didn't really care, although it was nice to know, all I cared about was my next bathroom break. Lisa said I was allowed 1 and a half cups this time, and with that I got up out of the chair grabbed the back of my gown so that my butt wasn't completely out and ran back across the hall. This time when I was done Michelle came into the bathroom, gave me my shot of Versed, and I calmly went back across the hall and the transfer finally was underway, at 12:05pm.

The procedure went well, I was relaxed from the shot, and I was back home around 1pm. Sorry that story was so long but I had to get this down so I won't ever forget it. I still can't figure out with all of the advancements in medical science why no one has figured out a better method of transfer than the "full bladder" method. I know there are female doctors that have gone through this, hasn't anyone complained?? Man, you have no idea, seriously. I really thought, and told Nat, that I was going to have to reschedule because there was no way I was making it in to that transfer.

Whew.

Ok well now I am tired, all that typing can take it out of you!! Tata for now, I'll be in touch soon!!!

No More Snow

Yep, those are flurries, in April. (If you click on the picture you can see them more clearly.)
Come on Spring, what's the hold-up?.........

More below..........

The big day!!!!

Well the two little embryos made it through the night so we are on for the transfer tomorrow at 11:3oam. We have decided to thaw two other frozen embroys for a last ditch effort and transfer four. Scary, huh? The doctor did say that the two "fresh" embryos looked great and that they were cleaving, dividing, just fine. So finally my awesome cleavage has done me some good!

Sorry dad; poor taste?

Anyhow, on a crummy note, I have started to hyper-stimulate. In the past 2 days I have gained 4.5 pounds of water and I seriously feel like I am developing a swimming pool in my stomache. The pain isn't unbearable, but I am so bloated even sweatpants are tugging at the waist. Oh well, it can't get worse.

Oh wait, tomorrow I have to drink a gallon of water for the transfer, remember the water torture game? It will get worse! I have to have a completely full bladder for the transfer and last time I got caught trying to cheat, didn't have a full bladder on time, and I held up the transfer team for about 25 minutes. Oops. This time I'll be good and get this thing done on schedule, although I did notice that they gave me the last transfer time before lunch again, maybe they are already planning on me screwing up?

That's it from me for at least another 36 hours or so. We are sans laptop at the moment so being on bedrest will prevent me from giving you an update until friday afternoon. Feel free to call and chat after about 3pm tomorrow, the shot they give me before the transfer usually knocks me out for about 2 hours, but once awake I will be bored so please bother me!!

Happy Birthday Puddy!!

Not So Great

Well Dr. Filer just called with some not so great news, only 2 of my eggs made it out fertilized. I can't believe it, out of seven that were retrieved, only four were mature and only 2 fertilized; now we have to wait until Thursday and hope that they make it. I did speak to him about the possibility of thawing the some of the four embryos that we have still frozen, and he said that we could do that if needed and would discuss that tomorrow when he gives me my next update. (they weren't the best quality embryos, that's why we decided to try again)

Another wrench in the system that I wasn't expecting, but it seems as though that is the norm now. Nat seemed pretty upset, as did my doctor, I guess after having a successful first try with 10 fertilizing, 2 seems like failure. I'm going to stay hopeful though, two is better than none and we only need one for a baby so I'm still thinking happy thoughts. I will update more tomorrow when I hear from the doctor again and let you know what we have decided. Keep praying for Nat and I please!!!!

New Pup

This is Maddie, a 10-week-old Golden Retreiver that my sister Sarah and her husband Tim adopted yesterday. They came to visit me today when I needed some cheering up, and by looking at her cute puppy face you can tell it worked! The fun part of the visit was the Mexican stand-off between my cat and the dog, it was so cute, they were both intrigued and scared of each other!

More Below........

My Day

I'm home, in recovery mode, feeling not so great. I am more cramped up than I remember last time, and I'm having issues sitting up straight, makes the cramps worse? I have already taken some Tylenol extra strength about 4 hours ago, but I don't think that made too much of a difference so I'm going back to the bottle and hopefully find some relief. (like they promise)

Other than my current state of affairs, the day went along pretty well. I was supposed to be there at 9:30am and we got there a bit early and they took us in right away. I was nauseated all morning, nerves and lack of breakfast, so I'm glad that they whisked me right away rather than leave me festering in the waiting room. Once again they went over the procedure and had me put on that stupid hospital gown that never covers your butt and then weighed me for the anesthetist.

After about 15 minutes of signing my life away, literally, they took me in to the too cold transfer room and then the real fun began. I guess that was the point in the day when I should have been most anxious and nervous, but for some reason I was calm and I didn't even flinch too much when they started the IV line in my hand. Of course the anesthetist had a sense of humor, right before he jammed that needle in my hand he looked and me and said, "this won't hurt me a bit". It didn't hurt him at all, and only slightly bruised me. After the IV goes in they put the oxygen nose tube thing on and a finger pulse monitor and then the part where they say, "now you are going to feel a little sle......". I'm assuming they say sleepy, although I have never made it that far.

The next thing I remember is my doctor telling me how great I did, I was unconscious, what did I do break into a comic routine? I guess not going in to cardiac arrest or convulsions is doing well, so maybe I should pat myself on the back. After trying to keep my eyes open and listen to the doctor for what felt like ages, but was probably 1 minute, Nat was ushered back in to see me. The doctor informed us that he was able to extract 7 mature eggs from me, which was the same number they said I had on Friday. I don't remember what we talked about next but I do remember getting some peanut butter crackers and grape juice, you never forget the food!

After the doctor left and I finished my snack I was allowed to get dressed come home. I almost tipped over a few times while trying to redress, stupid anesthesia, but I did manage to clothe myself and we came home with no broken bones. As soon as I walked in the door I went straight to my room, took some Tylenol and fell asleep until 2pm. (We left the doctors office around 11am.)

When I woke up Sarah and new puppy Maddie came over to play. They stayed for about 30 minutes of fun, until I felt like crud again and had to lay down. I hope to be feeling better by tomorrow but right now I'm sore and tired. So back to bed with me, Nat is asleep right now, apparently taking care of me is exhausting, tomorrow I find out how many of the seven eggs fertilized and their quality. More tomorrow.....

More Birthday Fun!

Today was a fun day spent in Lancaster County celebrating Nat's uncle Arthur's (Pud) 60th birthday. I was feeling pretty good today, nice weather and good food, not so bad. As the day has progressed I have gotten increasingly nervous and now at 8pm I'm wondering if I will be able to sleep! I just wanted to pass on a few pictures and distract myself in the process; cute babies and puppies are an easy target for that!!
This little cute thing is Maya; she is Nat's step-cousin, or something like that. She will be turning 1 in about 2 weeks and is she ever adorable, look at those big blue eyes! Even though she was fighting off a cold she had a blast watching the puppy run back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth. She would laugh every time "Skipper" would come anywhere near her, I'm telling you babies and puppies, great combo!
This is Skipper, Pud's birthday gift. He's a Sheltie, and oh my gosh is he furry! We had a lot of fun chasing him around the yard and when I picked him up he just snuggled with me for about 10 minutes; it was like holding a giant teddy bear. Hopefully tomorrow I will have another puppy picture up here; my sister Sarah and her husband Tim were bringing home a 10-week-old golden retriever today. (I'm hoping for a special guest appearance tomorrow after my retrieval!)
Ok well I guess it's time for me to attempt to relax and sleep, big day tomorrow. I'll try and let you all know how things went when I am awake and alert, no druggie blogging for me! Thanks again for all of your thoughts, prayers and support, it has helped me in ways you will never know. 

Monday

I was right, Monday morning it is. My retrevial is set for 10am and although I am under anesthetic, twilight, I should be home by noon. Woo-hoo!!! The transfer is most likely going to be wednesday, which just happens to be Nat's uncles 60th birthday, so hopefully that will be some good luck?! I have a long weekend of shots and drugs ahead of me so if you need me you know where to find me! :)

It's the final countdown.....

The countdown is on.......

I just returned from the doctors office and my first ultrasound for this cycle, finally. As I said in my last post they were concerned by my Estradiol numbers, a little low, so the pumped up my Follistim intake and as of today their trick worked! I haven't gotten my blood work results back yet but from the ultrasound I can safely say that my retrieval will most likely be Monday, if not Sunday.

I went in today expecting that I would have a few small follicles, still developing, and that I would be back in two days for a follow-up check and then we would see some maturing. Nope! I have twelve measurable follicles, larger than 12mm, seven on my right and five on my left. I'm an egg making machine! Out of those twelve, seven are mature, meaning larger than 18mm so if we had the retrieval tomorrow I would most likely have seven eggs. I couldn't believe it, I feel like I was in much more pain the last time I did this, maybe I'm just handling it better? Who knows. All I know is that I respond to medication really, really well!!

The next step is taking what they call a "trigger shot". At some point, either tonight or tomorrow night, I will give myself yet another injection of a drug called Ovidrel. Ovidrel is given about 36 hours before the retreival as a final push for the maturation of the eggs and to loosen them up for the retrieval. Lisa, the ultrasound lady, figures with the Ovidrel I might be able to pick-up a lagging follicle or two and maybe get 8-10 mature eggs. (fingers crossed) I had 10 mature eggs last time so anything in that range would be fantastic!

So now I just sit and wait for instructions from Sue, the drug lady at the Fertility Center. She normally calls around 1pm, so I have an hour to wait patiently, yeah right, for my final instructions.

I can't believe this is it!!!!!

Not too bad.

Other than the fact that I am horrible at giving myself shots, this round of treatments is going pretty well. As you can see the bruises are even smaller than previous goose eggs, so I'm improving in my bad qualities as well!! Yesterday was my first round of bloodwork; my Estradiol levels were lower than they should have been so they boosted the level of Follistim that I'm getting every night. It's not that big of a deal except for the fact that there is now so much medicine in the syringe that I have to depress the plunger with the other hand, my finger spread isn't long enough!

I am just beginning to feel the side effects of the Follistim, mainly bloating, which isn't that bad. I'm sporting sweatpants full time now and will be until the middle of next week, another thing I can easily live with. I am beginning to worry about over hyperstimulation of my ovaries again, last time we did this they ended up being 4 times their normal size for about a week and let me tell you it is noticeable and not fun! This time since they are upping my medication mid-cycle I'm feeling a bit more vulnerable, like it could get hairy again. I guess it's better if I not speculate on the pain, although I can't stop thinking about it.

Well I am going back to bed; did I mention that I am constantly tired? I have actually been sleeping pretty well, no need or even want for afternoon naps, but I still feel like I'm dragging myself around everywhere, I blame it on the hormones!! So I am going to lie in bed, watch some cartoons, get a little reading in and then at some point get up and accomplish something. Hopefully?!

I hope you are all having a great week, enjoy the weather for me! I'll update tomorrow after more blood work results are back.

New House Picture

Sorry I wanted to add this the the following blog, but of course forgot. Please continue to the blog...

Too Much To Do

We have been extremely busy here, so once again I have to go on the defense and apologize for the length between writings. I am going to try to explain everything that is going on here but in a nutshell, how did I get in such a nut? (bonus points if you can name that movie), we are most likely moving again! I know what you are thinking, "didn't those weirdos just move two years ago?". Yes, yes, us weirdos did just move here, two years ago in May, but as fate would have it we fell for a house right down the street!

The house we have put under contract, yes we have moved that fast, is a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath ranch style home with an unfinished walk-out basement. From our current bedroom you can see the back of the house, it's about 2 blocks down the road. It was built about the same time as our town home, 2004, and at 2100 sq. Feet it is actually a little smaller than our current house. Ok so now you are thinking we have lost it, and I would for the most part agree, but this house is designed with no wasted space so 2100 sq. Ft. feels larger. The house consists of the rooms mentioned above, a large dining room, a great room, and eat-in kitchen. Oh did I mention, we would finally have a garage, hallelujah!! Both Nat and I agree that the house is small, but efficient and with 2000 sq. Feet of unfinished basement the room to expand is there in spades.

Finding a new house was easy and fun, now comes the hard part, selling our house. Ugh. Surely there must be no greater evil than putting your house on the market, keeping it spotless, and then waiting for someone to buy it. Everything the cat has is now relegated to the basement, I refuse to cook anything with more than five ingredients (too messy), and keeping the bathroom hairless (my fault, I married an Italian!!) has become my obsession. So I have all of this and, oh yeah, I'm going through my last IVF cycle. Hehe!

Yep, started my shots 12 days ago and so far I think I have been doing pretty well. I have been off a little on my sleep and I am tired a lot, but compared to the first two trips down this path, Im doing A-Ok. (No hot flashes!!) Tomorrow night I begin my Follistim, which is the medication that stimulates my ovaries to produce numerous follicles. Once the Follistim begins to work I will become increasingly uncomfortable, which is also about the time they decide I should have bloodwork and ultrasounds every two days. Weird huh? As of right now I am scheduled for my retrieval between April 2nd-4th and the transfer the 5th-7th, so we are coming up on this last try rather quickly.

Yes, I am excited about this try, 3rd times a charm! Unfortunately I am also being realistic, so I am still looking into adopting. Nat and I have both come to accept our situation and not look at it as a burden, or cross to bear, rather a path to parenthood that most don't have the opportunity to appreciate. We know that eventuality of parenthood is right around the corner, which makes this final attempt so exciting and nervewracking. I am trying to stay calm and this moving thing is actually helping take my mind off of the shots and tiredness. I still can't believe that this is it though, two years of infertility treatment boil down to this one last attempt. In most ways I am ready for it to end, I just won't know to what degree until it is truly final. I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Well that's it from me, I have to get moving on my day. I just wanted to give you all a quick, but lenghty, update on the situation here. Now that I am grounded for the next two weeks I should be updating a little more frequently, suggestion not promising. Enjoy the rest of the week and if you are in the area and looking for a great town house, we will be open Saturday and Sunday 1-4pm.!!

Final Note:
Happy Birthday's (belated to some)

Emma Marie Becker turned 1 whole year old on March 9th!!!
My father-in law Brooke had a birthday on March 21st!!
Last but not least my mother Connie Sylvanus has a birthday tomorrow, March 24th!!

Goodbye 20's!!

BYE-BYE 20's!!!

Today is the last day I will spend as a freewheelin twenty-something and tomorrow I begin anew in my 30's, as a bonafied adult. I know half of you reading this are thinking ugh 30 and the other half are think aahh 30, either way tomorrow it's happening to yours truly and to be honest, I'm excited!!!

No, really.

Sure I’m a little sad to say farewell to my 20’s, they were pretty awesome as far as decades go. (They sure beat being in my teens!!) But would I want to relive them or repeat them, no freakin’ way! I guess if history has anything to say about my aging thus far it is that my life is only getting better; I mean let’s face it I am way ahead of where I was 5, 10, 15 years ago, would I switch places with 25 year old me, no way Jose!

I’m excited for what my 30’s will hold, children, nieces and nephews, new friends and exciting adventures. I welcome this new chapter of life. Sure I’m going to start finding wrinkles and gray hairs, who cares, I can sit down with friends I have had and kept for over half of my life and laugh about it. Now that’s something worth celebrating!

So as I turn 30 I thought it would be appropriate to leave myself some good memories about the past 10 years, so please indulge me in remembering:

The Best Things That Happened To Me In My 20's: My TOP 10!!!

10. Retaining friends from high school, I don’t think many people can say that their best friends when they turn 30 are the exact same as they were when they were 18.
9. Becoming a Burt, from Grandma Lucia down to cousin Natalie. Those Italians love their family and love to eat, ain’t nothin’ wrong with living that way!
8. Becoming friends, not enemies, with my parents. (Wouldn’t have said that 15 years ago!!)
7. Buying my first and second homes, mostly my second because I love it so much.
6. Living in Texas, it was fun while it lasted and made me fall in love with my favorite American city, thus far, Austin!
5. Getting to see many of my best friends get married and being in two of the weddings (Amy and Karen)
4. Ben, Emma, and Makenzie, they didn’t happen to me, but my friends really have some good lookin’ kids!
(Tie). Adopted my fat cat Scout!!
(Tie). I saw both of my sister’s, Liz and Sarah, marry.
(Bonus on this one was I got to be the Matron of Honor in both weddings!!)
1. I married my favorite person in the world!

Well that's it from here!! I have to hurry up and do something crazy before I turn 30 and it's already noon. ( 12 hours left!!) Aagh!!!!

One More Try

I said I wasn't going to go through it again, in fact I think I swore that I wasn't going to do it again. The disappointment, drugs, injections, moodiness, I was quitting and we were moving on to adoption. Nat and I had the talk a half a dozen times; we were both defeated and ready to be happy and excited about something again. Two years was long enough, starting in December we decided to stop talking about babies and just enjoy each other’s company. We had planned on taking 6 months off, time to enjoy turning 30 and celebrate our 5 year Anniversary, then get down to business with adoption paperwork.

It had been a refreshing change in the house, a rebirth of normal conversation. No more talks of strange bruises and hot flashes; instead we talked about investment opportunities and the possibility of me working and going back to school. I began sleeping again, we started eating better and we had planned trips to Texas and to Montana. All this time we were getting back to normal when the conversations slowly turned back to the inevitable, what about that third round of IVF that the insurance would cover?

I guess it started creeping back into conversation when we innocently began looking at new homes. Every comment was about space for kids, their room sizes, family room sizes and if the yard could accommodate an impromptu kickball game. I envisioned my children and their friends coming home after school and playing in the yard, grandparents coming over on Christmas morning, and aunts and uncles teaching them jokes and telling them embarrassing stories about us. It all came back, all of the emotions, the desire and the yearning to have a child.

The conversations may have slowly turned back to this "last chance" but the emotions came flooding back all at once. One night after dinner I looked up at Nat and blurted out that we had to try again, just one more time. I couldn't leave the job 2/3rds done, we had this one other shot just hanging out there and I felt like it was taunting me. Initially Nat was the one that was dead set against doing this again, but he too had cracked, it was time for one last go.

Gone is our trip to Texas, my reaquaintence with sleep, and meaningful discussions. We have traded it all in for one last shot to try and have a baby. One last attempt and then we can truly be at peace with the decision to move forward with adoption.

(More on the upcoming IVF soon, we are looking at the beginning of April)

I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning.....

In my ever growing quest for normalcy, in life and health, I have come up short, again. It is times like these when I wonder what I must have done as a child to deserve this constant barrage of weird ailments, I'm sure if you ask my parents they could render a lengthy list within a nano-second, but it digress. What, you ask is plaguing me this time??

The dizzies.

Not strong enough to mean anything to a medical professional and not weak enough to ignore; as Goldy Locks herself realized, they are just right. By just right I mean I have lost a little bit of my balance and I have motion sickness without the sickness, meaning I move my head to quickly and my stomach moves from my throat to my knees instantly, but I don't get any nausea. What I do get is pharmaceutical grade Dramamine which renders me worthless in 20 minutes.

Example:
This morning I woke up around 8:30am ate some breakfast, read the paper and popped a little pill. By 9am I was laying in back in my bed, still in my robe, with the sheets covering only my lower right leg. I was aware that I needed more sheets but I was literally useless, my arms and mind were shutting down and were apparently fine with the current situation.The next time I was conscious it was 11:30am, and I awoke to cat hair tickling my nose seeing as my cat decided to nest on my face while I was passed out. She normally does like to sleep close to me but I can only assume that most times I am with it enough to change positions and maneuver around her. Not on this stuff!! Once you are out, you are out. This brings us to yet another challenge, driving.

I am not allowed to drive while taking this stuff. For the first time I think I am going to heed my doctors warning about drugging and driving. Just typing this blog is making me realize that I am wacked out, it has taken me about 25 minutes to get this far and I have used the spell checker three times because I couldn't remember how to spell some not to tough words. I would give examples but I have already forgotten which words they were, hehe, I'm senile too!

Back to the point; I am stuck at home with my cat who has apparently been trying to smother me for quite a while, a pile of dirty laundry, which in sickness or in health I would ignore, and a blockbuster online movie that has been here since September that is dying to be watched. I have stuff to do and a cat to make amends with and yet I still can't cure the wanderlust within, I already want to break out. I know I can't drive, I mean I really understand this time, mailboxes would be just obliterated all around town if I were driving, but I'm bored and it hasn't even been 24 hours since I have been under house arrest.

On the flip side I always know if I get too bored I can pop a pill and lose a few hours, it might not be the best solution for killing time, but it's handy. Just kidding people, I have better things in mind to kill time; my stories, as Grandma Lucia calls them, tend to keep me entertained. "Days of Our Lives" may be tacky but damn if it doesn't take an hour from you without you realizing. Plus Amy Mishler's mom, Mrs. Lauer, sent me some salad recipe's so maybe I can hone my inner chef, starting with salads seems the least deadly cooking I can do with narcolepsy. (spell checked that one and I actually got it right!!!)

Well it's time for some lunch and another pill, another nap, and another chance for Scout to give me some "death snuggling". My doctor told me that this should all go away within a week or two so I am homebound for at least a little while longer. If you want to keep me company feel free to stop over or call between the hours or 8-9am, 12-2pm, and 5-8pm, I should be up then!!

Saturday night was the annual holiday office party for Nat's company so we were down in Baltimore at the B&O Railroad Museum. The museum houses old railcars, engines, and even machines used to fix the railways themselves; it was awesome! Nat and I meandered around like the little nerds we are to read all of the information about the museum and the fun stuff inside, Nat even missed a group picture because no one could find him, oops!! I really wanted to get inside one of the engine cars but they actually had things roped off as if we were going to get crazy and wreck the place, hello these are computer people not sailors!! (Andrew)

The setting was really cool, the food was only so-so, but they did redeem themselves by having not one but two fountains of chocolate, one regular and one dark. Luckily we sat at the table nearest to the regular milk chocolate fountain, and by luck I mean we purposely sat there when we saw the caterers putting up the fountain, so we were first in the very long lines to get some chocolate covered bananas, marshmallows and pretzels. I bet you wish you were there now, huh?!

Oh, the picture above is of us with Nat's cousin Steff and her fiance Justin. As nepotism goes, Nat got Justin a job this year with a division of his company so we are starting our own mini-empire in the computer world. If you wouldn't have guessed Steff is on the Italian side of the family, her mother and Nat's mother are sisters. She obviously stole all of the Italian from everybody else!

In other news, Nat and I decided to skip the adoption meeting this past weekend. Well we didn't actually skip it, we postponed it. Nat and I both decided to take a longer break from all of this baby stuff, focus on other things for a while. We have some big events coming up, I turn 30 in March, we have our 5th wedding anniversary in May and he turns 30 in June; we want to enjoy those events, not stress about paper work and meetings. In all reality taking another few months off won't hinder the process by much anyway since China requires us both to be 30 when we submit our dossiers. So a few months off to clear our heads and hopefully squeeze in a trip to Texas and then we will be relaxed and ready for the road ahead.

Okey dokey people, that's all I have for now. I hope the new year is treating you all well so far, so far so good here. I'll be talking to you soon.......

Happy New Year!!!

Goodbye 2005, Hello 2006!!!

I hope you all had a great Christmas and fun New Year's Eve. Our Christmas season was hectic as usual, but this year we added a twist, a super fun twist.

We had a Christmas party!!

The Friday before Christmas Nat and I had a great shindig for our oldest friends here at our home. It's hard to see everybody these days since most of my friends have spread themselves far and wide so a party at Christmas, when they all come home, was the best time to rope them all together. The morning of the party I had a list of people who were definatly coming, 22 people, and a list of maybe canidates, 4 people. Well I guess word got out that Suzi Sylvanus was having a party, high school flashback, becuase we had 33 people show up. Woo-hoo!!

Still got it!! (or maybe free booze still has it?!)

We had a blast and I think everybody else did too, so as of now the 2nd Annual Christmas party is on for December 22nd, same time, same place. Mark your calendar!

That's it for now; I'm beat. Karen and Andrew partied us out last night in Annapolis and Nat's parents stuffed us with pork and sauerkraut this afternoon; it's 10pm and Nat and I are both in our jammies and the big guy is already in bed. We are wusses. You will hear from me next weekend, saturday is our first adoption meeting, yay! Until then..............

Another Adventure

Merry Christmas Everybody!!!

So much has gone on since my last posting I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start with our follow up appointment with Dr. Filer, that was last Monday. As usual he couldn't tell us that anything went wrong, in fact once again he said that it was a perfect cycle; for some reason my embroys just won't latch on. Nat and I then explained to him that we were going to quit for a while and he said that physically and emotionally that was a good idea. After all nerve damage wasn't what I wanted after this whole process.

I also talked to Dr. Filer about some research I had been doing online about Metabolic Syndrome. I have picked up self diagnosing myself from my mother-in-law and this time, unlike most, I hit the nail right on the head. Basically some women with PCOS develop an insulin resistance that along with lowering your metabolism increases your risk of heart attack, stroke and diabetics. I seemed to fit the symptoms and when my blood work came back with raised insulin levels it was confirmed. I am now on a medicine called Glucophage that should help my body regulate it self.

29 years old and I'm falling apart!

I guess I should say we are falling apart, Nat and I. Soon after the meeting with Dr. Filer Nat started getting sick, or I should say sicker. I won't go in to details but I will say it ended up with Nat being home from work for two days and it was capped of by an "emergency" colonoscopy on Friday. He is mostly well, we are awaiting some test results but the scary things like cancer have been ruled out.

Well that's been the excitement around here; add a little snow and some Christmas decorating you have the rest of our days.

On a brighter note Nat and I have decided that we are going to pursue adoption, specifically from China. We are so excited! There are a ton of agencies that handle adoptions from China so right now we are weeding through all of the brochures to try to find one that best suits our desires. So far there are two standouts, Adoptions From The Heart and Great Wall. There is a ton of information on both of their websites if you want to take a look, I don't want to bore you with all of the stuff I have been learning. The government of China does require that both parents be 30 years old to adopt so Nat and I will have to wait until June to submit any paper work, but in the meantime we have scheduled two meetings to find out how much we can do in the interim.

So it looks like we are undertaking yet another lengthy task, but one that will be completely worthwhile. The two meeting are in January so I might not have anything new until then, but if I do I will keep you all posted.

Again I would like to thank you all for every thought, prayer and email that you have sent me and Nat this year. It has been a rollercoaster ride that I am definitely glad to bring to an end. Keep your fingers and toes crossed that 06' will be our year! (finally!)

I wish you all a very heartfelt Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, especially to our 1st timers Ben, Emma, and Makenzie. Enjoy!!!

Boo Part Two

Well here we are once again; another failed attempt at this IVF/FET thing. I had the blood test done this morning and this time I was feeling pretty good about the outcome. I don't know what in particular made me feel so positive but I really thought this was the month, Nat and I both did. The negative result threw us both for a loop.

We are doing well now; Mexican food and beer helps. Over chips, salsa and some Dos Equis we decided that we are going to take a little break from all of the drugs and heartache. To us it seems as though our past year has been all about having a baby and since we have had to deal with a bunch of negative results we are at a bit of a breaking point. We aren't giving up forever, just taking a much needed break. Part of our break will be looking in to international adoption, China in particular. We are both looking forward to learning about the program and about the possiblity of bringing home a little girl of our own.

We are bummed about todays results, don't get me wrong, but we aren't giving up just yet. I know no matter what happens my friends and family will be there to support us in our decisions and that keeps me staying positive.

I'll continue to update my blog, but it might be a bit more random as events unfold. Thanks again for all of your thoughts, prayers and support. I promise you that it has helped more than you could ever know.

What I'm Thankful For

This Thanksgiving season I have many things to be thankful for; I have a husband who loves me, a great family, a super awesome fat cat, a nice home and wonderful friends. Yet yesterday my previous reasons to give thanks were all blown away by one simple thing;

NO MORE PROGESTERONE SHOTS!!!!!!! (Woo-hoo, yippie, halleujah!!)

Here is the lead up story to yesterday:
Nat had been giving me the progesterone shots for just over a week, 16 injections to be specific, and all on my left side because my fertility doctor was concerned that I had some residual numbness on my right side from the previous months injections. I had been waiting since injection one to see the neurologist to get cleared for shots to resume on the right, but when I made the appointment Monday the 21st was all they had, I would have to suck it up and wait through 8 days of shots.

After day 3 my sucking up had been sucked out.

When I say that I was in pain from all these shots hitting one muscle, twice daily, I would be underselling it. My flanks were swollen, discolored, and the muscle was in constant flex. I was walking with a limp, waking myself up in the middle of the night from rolling over, and every new injection would almost bring Nat and I to tears. The best analogy I could come up with was that it felt like stitches that kept tearing open, if you have ever had surgery you know that tugging feeling. I was basically in constant pain with only Tylenol, ice packs and a heating pad at my disposal. Ugh.

By yesterday morning I was ready for that neurology appointment. I knew, just knew, that the doctor would check out my thigh, say it was normal and let Nat resume shooting me in righty. I went to my appointment in the pouring rain and waited patiently for the doctor to clear me and send me on my way.

Not to be. (Of course by now you should know that!)

Now you would think that at this stage of the game I would be prepared for anything; I mean this whole infertility thing hasn't exactly gone swimmingly for me. When I met Dr. May, the neurologist, he began asking me what was going on and I filled him in on the thigh numbness and the tenderness that I still had on my right side. He asked if I was having numbness this time on my left side and of course I was, I had it on both sides last time as well. What's the big deal?

I guess the numbness is always a big deal, he said I should have seen him the first time I had any numbness, it's not normal; You know that does make sense. He made me lie down on the doctor table and proceeded to poke me with a toothpick, and put hot and cold items on the affected areas of my thighs.

Couldn't feel a damn thing.

All this led him to the conclusion that I had actually damaged my nerves. He explained that nerves take a long time to recover so we won't know if it's permanent or for at least 6 months. Can you believe this? By now you are all saying, duh, yes Suzi, you are a walking time bomb. He recommended no more injections and with that no more sore butt, no more leaning and hobbling. YAY!! Is it weird to be a little happy you have nerve damage to get out of something? I'm still taking progesterone in another form, think injection without needles, so my body should stay happy.

So yes I have nerve damage, but since it might not be permanent (fingers crossed) I am going to look at this with positivity. Another crisis somewhat avoided.

Well Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I hope you all spend the day with people you love and give thanks for those who love you. Talk to you soon!!!

Fingers and Toes Are Crossed!

Good evening all, hummmm I guess it will be morning when you read this, so good morning! It is 11:30pm and I am wide awake, in bed, with nothing but the TV and laptop; I am already sick of the TV so I thought I would let you all know how the day went.

I'll begin by letting you that I thought I wasn't nervous this time around but at 3:30am last night I was wide awake, watching Cops, and trying to lure myself to sleep. I guess on some level it worked because the next time I looked at the clock it was 8am; TRANSFER DAY!!! Yippie!! I started my day with my usual shot of progesterone, a few assorted pills and a hot shower. Nothing out of the ordinary.

On advise from Amy Mishler, Nat and I took a different route to the doctors office this morning, maybe a change of perspective will shed new light on the outcome. We arrived early and to be honest I was a little relieved because I hadn't been drinking the amount of water that I should have been, you know trying to cheat the system. I changed in to that horrible hospital gown that never seems big enough to cover your butt and began taking sips of water when none of the nurses were around, I didn't want them to catch me breaking the rules.

They were running a little late this morning and I wasn't taken into the transfer room until about 11:15am. The first thing they do when you get in the room is lay you down on the table and do an ultrasound to check the fullness of your bladder and guess what?? All of my cheating finally caught up to me, boo. The ultrasound lady, Lisa, looked at me and shook her head; I knew that look. My bladder, and to a larger extent I, had failed the test. For the next 45 minutes I was slamming water down my throat in 8oz. portions, stupid small Styrofoam cups, and after no doubt making everyone in there want to kill me for ruining their lunch break, the transfer was back on.

I was given a shot of Versed, a muscle relaxer, and three embryos were transferred in to me with little discomfort. Once again when they had finished the transfer they tilted the table back and hung me upside down, not really but it felt like it, for 30 minutes. Last time we did this Nat and I read the newspaper and chatted, took the 30 minutes to discuss current events and bond a bit. This time, I fell asleep. I didn't just doze off, I was snoring and dreaming and then next thing I remember is Sue the nurse coming up beside the table and saying "Did she fall asleep?". Yes I did. I couldn't believe how out of it I was, the last time I made it through the 30 minute wait, the car ride home and lunch before I crashed. This time I don't think I even spoke on the car ride home, went straight to bed and woke up around 5:15pm. How strange is that?!

Anyhow, my timing was awesome because about 30 minutes after arising from my drug induced coma my dad showed up with some homemade mac and cheese, which was deliciously cheesy! Five minutes after my dad arrived my father-in-law showed up with two subs and some beef stew, courtesy of my mother-in-law and 10 minutes after that my mom showed up to keep me company and chat. I won't have to cook at all this week, yay for me!

So that was my day. Besides getting busted for not drinking enough water and snoring for the lucky staff at the clinic everything went really, really well. Unfortunately the rest of my day, sleeping and eating, don't really fill the pages so I'm going to have to end this entry. Back to watching Court TV and playing Sudoku...........

Finally

Tomorrow is the big day!

Dr. Michelle called a little bit ago to inform me that go time is tomorrow at 11am. I will once again have to go through the water torture ritual to make sure my bladder is nice and full and have to lie on the table thinking only about the sweet, sweet relief of the catheter. Pathetic huh?

For the FET cycle the doctors have to unfreeze some the remaining embroys that were frozen from the last "fresh" cycle. We chose to have three embroys inserted again and luckily all three embryos that were thawed for the procedure made it out A-Ok so we won't have to use any of the remaining 4. This was actually amazing because Nat and I were told about half of the thawed guys don't make it, so once again we are thinking somebody up there might like us!

Well that is all for now. I will send out an update tomorrow after the procedure and the drug induced nap that follows. At 11am, 10am Central, and 9 am Mountain (don't think I have anyone Pacific) please send me some good vibes, I'll need them!

Go Time, Part Deux

It's almost transfer time!!

This morning was my last ultrasound before the transfer on the 16th. Since I wasn't growing any eggs this time around my body has gotten a huge break; in fact I almost feel normal, well Suzi normal, a little different?! I have only had to do bloodwork once and today was the third ultrasound, compare that with five of each last time. I'm still not sleeping on a regular basis and yes the moodiness is back with a vengeance, but I'm not in pain from 3 lb. Ovaries so I consider this a walk in the park, with a slight incline.

Right now you're probably thinking, "wow, I'm glad Suzi is having an easier time this month she deserves it because she is so awesome(hehe)". Well not so fast sisters and random brothers who actually read this; I haven't gotten to the drugs.

Aah, the drugs. Right now I am giving myself a shot of Lupron every day and taking Estrogen pills twice a day. The Lupron stops on Saturday, but the Estrogen continues until the 10th week of pregnancy. Sunday night Nat starts giving me the fun shots of progesterone, twice daily beginning Monday, the same day I also begin taking Medrol, a steroid, and Doxcycline, some kind of antibiotic, I think?

Now I want you all to think back to my last blog in which I told you about the continuing numbness on the outside of my right leg and how I have to go and see a neurologist? (If not please refer to the previous blog and try to keep up, this blog isn't for the slow or the weak at heart!) Well now that numbness comes in to play; my doctor just called and said that those progesterone shots that has Nat to give me can only go on my left side.

How freakin' awesome!

So twice a day for possibly 8 weeks I will be getting a shot, in the butt, from this needle.

I bet you feel sorry for me again, am I right?!

That needle isn't little and it has to bite me twice a day in the same spot, lucky me! I'm actually hyping this up a bit, surprisingly that shot isn't too bad, having a fat butt comes in handy for once. I'm more nervous about the twice a day in one spot issue, last month I got one shot a day on either side and was a bit sore. Woe is me.

Ok that's enough out of me for now. My sister-in-law Christy is coming home this weekend and then on Sunday or Monday my friend Michelle and her daughter Makenzie are coming up to York until Tuesday, so basically I will be continually distracted until my transfer! Yay!!

Fingers and toes crossed for Wednesday please. I'll update from my bedrest.......

Is it really November?

How about this weather??

If you aren't a Yorker then let me tell you, 75 degree days in November are not the norm! Yesterday, while watching the Penn State game, the commentators were talking about how funny it was to be in Happy Valley in November and there not being any snow or freezing weather. It's crazy, but we are loving it!

Since it will most likely be the last bit of warm weather mother nature will throw our way Nat and I decided to take a hike, literally. About 1 mile from our house is Lake Redman, a lake, duh, and park with trails and tons of gorgeous trees that are just reaching their peak fall coloring. It was great, some sun, fun and exercise.

On the medical front, I had another ultrasound on Friday and everything is looking good. I let Dr. Filer know that I was still having numbness in my leg from the progesterone shots, they ended over a month ago, and he said that wasn't normal and set me up with a neurology appointment. Who knows what will come of that appointment; just more weird stories to add to my already long list. Speaking of weird, no acupuncture this week, Jenny is in Jamaica......maybe that's where she gets that sage stuff she burned during last weeks appointment?! Hum......

Well it's off to the basement to watch some football. Have a good week!!

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it must be a duck, right?

This is me about 2 hours ago, laying on the table with needles sticking out of my stomach. I played secret undercover journalist today, steathily sneaking my camera in to the acupuncturist. You can see that they are little, skinny needles, I swear they don't hurt at all, but they are weird to look at. Taking this picture turned out to be a bit more difficult than I had planned, I had a needle on the inner side of my elbow so I couldn't bend my right arm. Have you ever tried taking a picture with your left hand, not easy!!

I smell like a giant doobie!!

As soon as Jenny lit this herbal cigar thing it was like a giant flashback to the dorms on a Friday night at West Virginia University. That smell was so dead on that I was actually watching my speed on the way home thinking that if I got pulled over there was no way of avoiding jail. Seriously. After she lit the "joint" she ran it up and down my legs and feet and over my stomach, close enough to my skin that I could feel the heat. Jenny said that the smoke would open up my pathways and cleanse my spleen and kidneys, important for keeping my chi flowing correctly.

Okey Dokey!

All I know that it did for sure was make me reek so badly that my cat ran in the opposite direction when I came in the front door. I ran up to the bedroom and immediately ripped off my "acupuncture clothes" and threw them in the hamper, stuffing them way down to the bottom. I should just throw them in the laundry but I want Nat to smell that smell, aahh the joys of being my husband.

Well oddly enough after all of this excitement I am now sleepy, the faux Mary Jane is taking its' toll. I taped the Amazing Race from last night so I think I am going to get all snuggled back in bed and watch my favorite crazy Italian family embarrass themselves once again on national television, their favorite pastime is yelling at each other and they are great at it! (if you watch that show you know who I'm talking about)

Have a great day!!!

Oops I Did It Again

Can you believe that I still can't get this shot thing down?? The bruise under my belly button is from Friday and the one forming on the side is yesterday's handiwork. I guess the silver lining is that they don't hurt, but man are they ugly, just looking at the picture is scary. Consider it your Halloween treat from me! Boo!

In other non-freightening news I am doing really well on the Estrogen pills, in fact I down right like them. Today was the third day on the pills and as far as Nat and I can tell I am having no nasty side effects and as a bonus I am sleeping through the night and Nat even called me "bubbly" today, me likey Estrogen! Now if we could only make a drug like that that didn't cause cancer..........

Hopefully I will be giving you a fun lesson from my acupuncture visit on Wednesday, Jenny is going to be burning some sage type thing over my stomach. What is it for? I guess to make me fertile. Will there be chanting? Who knows, but man I hope so. It's going to be crazy awesome!

Once again I have to apologize for my very long break between posts; it has been a crazy week here at the Burt compound. The week started off with promise, meaning Monday was good, but by Tuesday I was taking care of a sick husband with some sort of food poisoning. (no I didn't do it!!) Right now he is on this really horrible bland diet which consists mainly of bananas, toast, grilled chicken and rice; I feel guilty eating anything in front of him so I try to sneak meals in when he isn't looking. We were hoping that he would be able to try some different foods by tomorrow but this morning we had a set back, he got sick again, so we might have to push it back another day or two. Poor Nat.

On a different note I had a pretty good week. I went in for my acupuncture on Wednesday, which I now not only enjoy but look forward to going. This week was the closest I have gotten to falling asleep, again it was really cold outside so the heating lamp was heavenly. Now I might not have explained the proximity of the acupuncture place to the York Hospital before, but we are talking two maybe three blocks. Lady luck had been on my side thus far because I had heard ambulances on prior visits but they were always off in the distance coming from what I assume was the other direction.

Well this visit my luck finally ran out!

As I was getting warmed up and mellowed out when an unannounced ambulance came screaming by the front of the building. Now normally you can hear them coming, the sirens blaring in the distance, but this time I heard nothing until the whoop-whoop noise right as I was closing my eyes. It scared the you-know-what out of me. I did in fact jump up and my sweatpants, which were pulled up to my knees, came down over one of the needles in my calf and when I instictively pulled my pants leg back up one of the needles caught a little and started shaking. Uncomfortable.

Jenny, the acupuncturist, came in to apologize for the noise but what can you do, we are right by the hospital. I never did fully relax for the next half an hour, I kept listening to the street noises and trying to hear any oncoming sirens in the distance. Of course I didn't hear anything except for the occasional college student, yes York College is about 3 blocks in the other direction, blaring Dave Matthews or U2, much less invasive.

On the topic of invasive, I also had bloodwork and an ultrasound yesterday. I don't know what they were checking for but they said everything looked good and I passed the first test. This morning I started Estrace, which is an estrogen supplement and I am still giving myself a shot of Lupron every evening. I'm still waking up between 3:30am and 4:30am and for some reason I have been getting some wicked back cramps; my mother-in-law gave me a heating pad with adjustable levels of heat that is beyond awesome for stuff like this, I highly recommend it if anyone is in the heating pad market. Other than those two things, which I am used to and are controllable, I am doing really well. Yay!!!

Once again changing subjects I wanted to wish Christina (Tillotson) Sheets a happy birthday. The other day my friend Karen sent out one of those "friendship questionnaires" which nobody ever responds to except for me, and one of the questions was "what friend have you known the longest?". I answered my sister Liz because at the time I couldn't think of anybody I had been friends with since I was little, I changed schools in high school so I lost touch with all of the people I had known when I was small. Early this morning when I was laying in bed trying to fall back asleep I remembered that Christina, Bird to me, and I have known each other forever. I tried to call my mom this morning and verify the exact length of time, but as per usual, she wasn't home. I'm going to guess we were 4 or 5, maybe younger, I'll keep trying to figure this one out. Anyway, Happy 29th old friend, I hope you have a great weekend and then birthday!!!

To everyone else, enjoy the weekend and have a Spooktacular Halloween!!!

Well I have to get going, Nat is pacing, assumably bored with me typing away, so I am going to go and pay attention to him.

What to do??

Well here we are, 4:15am wide awake with nothing to do. I am sitting in the basement staring at a blank TV because for some reason I can't get the stupid thing to work. You know how sometimes all you want to do is lay on the couch and watch mindnumbing shows, well that's me right now and I can't turn dang thing on! Last night Nat, Sarah and Tim were playing video games down here so I have a sneaking suspicion that something was turned off so as to prevent me from enjoying quality programming, because at 4am it's all about Court TV and Cops is definitely on some channel, just waiting for me to watch.

The extent of my frustration only begins with the now useless TV. Today will be my fourth day back on the Lupron and let me be clear, I hate this stuff. So far I have woken up the past two nights around 3am, just basically sitting up in bed wide awake. This action always, without fail, wakes up the cat who then starts meowing and moving around in bed searching for a better spot, somewhere within petting distance. I always try to close my eyes, pet the cat and try to think calming thoughts but that is usually the exact time when Nat rolls over and begins snoring in my face. After about 15 minutes of snoring Nat and whining cat, haha that rhymes, I muster the energy to get out of dodge. The nutty thing is that even though I am wide awake I am physically tired; so making the decision to go down two flights of stairs to sit on the sofa and watch TV instead of going to the guest bedroom was huge.

I now know that I should have stayed upstairs where TV's work and beds are plentifully.

So now the next choice, should I go back upstairs or stay down here and play on the internet and read until I am ready to fall back asleep. Upstairs I have a bed/TV combo guest room, but there is a half awake cat stalking that floor and my return will only call for constant petting until she is back asleep. Then again, I will already be in bed when I get sleepy so I could just roll over and pass out. On the other hand down here in the basement I have two books that I am currently reading, one scary and one that is interesting but a guaranteed yawner; but reading involves thinking and right now my brain is over 50% mush so reading might be out. I do have the sleep inducing sofa down here, it's so squishy and warm. This decision could also be risky considering I am getting the crazy hot flashes again, what to do, what to do.

Right now I wish I had an on call decision maker, I could just call her up give her two situations and she could tell me which scenario to go with. Yes I'm pathetic and complaining is my favorite past time, but man this no sleeping thing bends me out of shape. The big questions in life have been whittled down to weighing the pros and cons of sleeping in the basement or the guest bedroom.

I think I'm going to make the trek upstairs. I'm not entirely happy with this decision; I have to be quiet up there and remember the 15lb. stalker, well she found me down here so when we go up she is going to be in play mode. The decision really boils down to the fact that I need something to entertain me and since Nat wouldn't enjoy being forced awake TV is my next best choice.


Upstairs I go, to further my cause in the never ending quest for a full nights sleep. My enemy Lupron will be around for the next two weeks so expect more 4am blogs in the future; in a few days I will even be used to it so the whining Suzi will be the sadly accepting Suzi and normal blogging should return.

Sarah's Wedding Pictures

Ok, Nat and I look like deer stuck in headlights, but this post was about the other pictures. Sarah and Tim's wedding went off without a hitch. They were married October 8th at the chapel at First Presbyterian Church in York, Pa. Obviously these pictures were taken by Nat and I so don't make fun of the quality.

Getting Stuck

Yesterday was my first appointment with Jenny the accupunturist. I wasn't sure how I would do with acupuncture and as you will learn I'm still not too sure. The whole idea of Eastern medicine is "out there" to me; I mean I believe that vitamins and some herbs are good for you and can be a great supplement to Western medicine but the idea of sticking needles into my body to help me relax seemed and seems a bit weird. But what the heck, if it works I'll be strutting around in a kimono for the rest of my life!

Anyhow, my appointment was at 11am and I got there a little bit early because I had to fill out some questionnaires about the extent of my infertility. I was greeted at the door by Boomer, Jenny's black lab, who sat with me while I filled out my paper work. Most of the questions were about how my body works, if I'm normally hot or cold, if I get colds a lot, do I pee regularly, and other stuff about my period which I won't go into because even some rivers are too wide to cross! Once I was done I was led into a room with a massage table and a desk and chairs, new age music in the background and tons of Asian artwork, lamps, rugs and other stuff decorating the room. Boomer came with me. I was starting to feel like I had gotten myself in to some weird cult like situation and then I met Jenny.

I don't know why but she wasn't what I was expecting. She was a middle aged, overweight, white hippie woman that said "shit" within the first few sentences out of her mouth. She was funny and weird, but I liked her and she relaxed me quite a bit. We sat and talked for a little, realizing that she lived two blocks from where I grew up, and then we got down to business. Now let me start by saying that I really do believe that she knew what she was talking about and you could tell that she practiced what she preached. She asked me to lay on the table, on my back and the first thing she did was ask to touch my stomach with one hand and my upper rib cage area with the other.

Diagnosis #1- I have a cold uterus.

It was weird because I could feel the difference when I touched the areas; my stomach area was much colder. But what the cold uterus means, I dunno? The next set of questions led her to the next diagnosis:

#2- I have great kidneys.

Apparently if you have thick hair your kidneys ROCK! There were other qualifications for this diagnosis but all I really remember was the thick hair part. Finally all that hair has a purpose! My other diagnosis were:

#3- Excess body heat
#4- Excess blood (or something like that?!)

So after telling me about my ailments it was time to begin with the pricking. I was laying on my back with pillows under my head and knees. There was a small heat lamp over my abdomen, warming up my cold uterus. The new age music was turned up and just as I was trying to make out what the singer was trying to say, which was not in English, I got my first puncture.

For some reason I was under the delusion that these needles would be so tiny that I wouldn't really feel them, WRONG! The first needle was about two inches under my belly button and I definitely felt it. The next two in my belly didn't hurt and the ones on my hand, arm, leg and forehead didn't bother me either, but then there was the one on my foot, my right foot to be exact. The needle went in to the vein right next to my ankle bone on the inside of my foot and man did that sting. Jenny's excuse for that one is that that was the spot that is inline with my kidneys and since my kidneys are so awesome that it might hurt a little. Whatever.

Once Jenny was done she left me, the heating lamp, and the crazy new age lady singing some weird music alone for about 30 minutes. I will admit that it was relaxing having the heating lamp on me, it was dark and raining outside and that little bit of heat made me feel warm and cozy. But every time I would open my eyes I could see this needle sticking out of my forehead and I'll be honest, it freaked me out a little. After laying there and trying to relax for a half and hour Jenny came back, removed the needles and sent me on my way, with an appointment to come back next week.

That was it, my first experience with Acupuncture. I still don't know how I was suppose to feel and to some extent wondering if I did the relaxing part right. Jenny told me to order this book about Infertility and Eastern medicine, so like a sucker I did. I guess I'll try anything once. I go back again next Wednesday, back to redo this whole weird thing again. Hopefully by then someone will tell me how this is supposed to work?!

My Scout

I took this picture the other day of my cat Scout and for some unknown reason I thought you might like to see her. Isn't she cool?! The reason I really like this picture is because you can't see how fat she is and I'm not being mean, she's a porker. But she's my porker and I love her! Ok randomness over.... Read on, the following post is the real meat and potatoes........

IVF Pt. 2

Our post IVF meeting was bright and early this morning with Dr. Filer. He let us know that there was nothing wrong with our past cycle, in fact everything looked great, we just happened to be on the wrong end of the statistical average. How about that luck! Our next cycle will begin as soon as my monthly friend decides to rear its ugly head, the progesterone shots delay your period but also intensify it because its sole purpose is to keep your lining thick. Awesome again! I will then be on birth control pills to regulate my cycle to their schedule and then the fun drugs begin anew.

This time I will be on Lupron, the hot-flash drug, and Estrace, a pill(finally), that I still haven't figured out what it does. Since they won't be needing me to produce any eggs this time I'm assuming the Estrace will suppress my ovaries some how? And Nat's job will eventually return with the progesterone shots after the transfer.

This cycle is officially called an FET, frozen embryo transfer. If you remember from my blog we were able to freeze 7 embryos from our stimulated cycle. We are again going to transfer 3 embryos so they will begin by thawing 3 and if one of them doesn't survive the thawing process they will thaw another until we have 3. They will then perform a procedure called Assisted Hatching on the embryos, which will puncture the shell of the embryo to create a little break in the shell that will help it attach better to the uterus. Apparently when you freeze these guys their shell hardens a little too much so they need a helping hand. From that point on everything else will proceed exactly like before, the transfer and the wait. I am already dreading the water torture phase where I have to drink until the point of explosion for the transfer, how haven't they figured out a better way to do that yet?!

My transfer will be the week before Thanksgiving, either on that Tuesday or Thursday. I checked the calendar and there is a full moon on that Wednesday, is that good luck or bad luck? I am also going to give acupuncture a try this time. You wouldn't believe all of the women that swear by it for IVF cycles; so I figure what the heck, it can't hurt and maybe it will relax me. I have my first session for that a week from today, so that will most likely be my next post. This weekend is my little sister Sarah's wedding so I will be in full party mode and like my mom said, it stinks that this cycle didn't work but at least I can drink at the wedding! (she always tries to find the silver lining!)

I hope everybody has a great weekend!!!!

On to November

Well it's official, I'm not pregnant this time.

I started having some pretty heavy cramping on Saturday and then began spotting later that evening. My dad had taken my sisters and I to see the Rolling Stones that night and I knew something wasn't right because my dancing was sub-par and my funk was all out of whack. I called my doctor Sunday morning and he told me to come in this morning(Monday) and have a blood test. They just called.

So this stinks, I was all excited this time, I thought this was finally my month! I'm still hopeful that this is going to work for us, I haven't lost my positivity. We have a meeting with our doctor on Wednesday morning to discuss what went wrong and how to fix it on our next attempt, which will be in November. As for right now, I am going to get a little retail therapy this afternoon at the outlets in Lancaster. Maybe a new pair of shoes or a purse will help a little bit?!

Thank you, all of you, for your thoughts and prayers and continued support through this whole ordeal. November will mark our 1 year anniversary with infertility treatment and that is a long time to support a moody friend. I have faith that somewhere out there in the ether a child is waiting for Nat and I, it may not turn out to be our flesh and blood like we had wanted, but it will be the one destined to be the love of our lives.

On to the next chapter.....