Oops I Did It Again

Can you believe that I still can't get this shot thing down?? The bruise under my belly button is from Friday and the one forming on the side is yesterday's handiwork. I guess the silver lining is that they don't hurt, but man are they ugly, just looking at the picture is scary. Consider it your Halloween treat from me! Boo!

In other non-freightening news I am doing really well on the Estrogen pills, in fact I down right like them. Today was the third day on the pills and as far as Nat and I can tell I am having no nasty side effects and as a bonus I am sleeping through the night and Nat even called me "bubbly" today, me likey Estrogen! Now if we could only make a drug like that that didn't cause cancer..........

Hopefully I will be giving you a fun lesson from my acupuncture visit on Wednesday, Jenny is going to be burning some sage type thing over my stomach. What is it for? I guess to make me fertile. Will there be chanting? Who knows, but man I hope so. It's going to be crazy awesome!

Once again I have to apologize for my very long break between posts; it has been a crazy week here at the Burt compound. The week started off with promise, meaning Monday was good, but by Tuesday I was taking care of a sick husband with some sort of food poisoning. (no I didn't do it!!) Right now he is on this really horrible bland diet which consists mainly of bananas, toast, grilled chicken and rice; I feel guilty eating anything in front of him so I try to sneak meals in when he isn't looking. We were hoping that he would be able to try some different foods by tomorrow but this morning we had a set back, he got sick again, so we might have to push it back another day or two. Poor Nat.

On a different note I had a pretty good week. I went in for my acupuncture on Wednesday, which I now not only enjoy but look forward to going. This week was the closest I have gotten to falling asleep, again it was really cold outside so the heating lamp was heavenly. Now I might not have explained the proximity of the acupuncture place to the York Hospital before, but we are talking two maybe three blocks. Lady luck had been on my side thus far because I had heard ambulances on prior visits but they were always off in the distance coming from what I assume was the other direction.

Well this visit my luck finally ran out!

As I was getting warmed up and mellowed out when an unannounced ambulance came screaming by the front of the building. Now normally you can hear them coming, the sirens blaring in the distance, but this time I heard nothing until the whoop-whoop noise right as I was closing my eyes. It scared the you-know-what out of me. I did in fact jump up and my sweatpants, which were pulled up to my knees, came down over one of the needles in my calf and when I instictively pulled my pants leg back up one of the needles caught a little and started shaking. Uncomfortable.

Jenny, the acupuncturist, came in to apologize for the noise but what can you do, we are right by the hospital. I never did fully relax for the next half an hour, I kept listening to the street noises and trying to hear any oncoming sirens in the distance. Of course I didn't hear anything except for the occasional college student, yes York College is about 3 blocks in the other direction, blaring Dave Matthews or U2, much less invasive.

On the topic of invasive, I also had bloodwork and an ultrasound yesterday. I don't know what they were checking for but they said everything looked good and I passed the first test. This morning I started Estrace, which is an estrogen supplement and I am still giving myself a shot of Lupron every evening. I'm still waking up between 3:30am and 4:30am and for some reason I have been getting some wicked back cramps; my mother-in-law gave me a heating pad with adjustable levels of heat that is beyond awesome for stuff like this, I highly recommend it if anyone is in the heating pad market. Other than those two things, which I am used to and are controllable, I am doing really well. Yay!!!

Once again changing subjects I wanted to wish Christina (Tillotson) Sheets a happy birthday. The other day my friend Karen sent out one of those "friendship questionnaires" which nobody ever responds to except for me, and one of the questions was "what friend have you known the longest?". I answered my sister Liz because at the time I couldn't think of anybody I had been friends with since I was little, I changed schools in high school so I lost touch with all of the people I had known when I was small. Early this morning when I was laying in bed trying to fall back asleep I remembered that Christina, Bird to me, and I have known each other forever. I tried to call my mom this morning and verify the exact length of time, but as per usual, she wasn't home. I'm going to guess we were 4 or 5, maybe younger, I'll keep trying to figure this one out. Anyway, Happy 29th old friend, I hope you have a great weekend and then birthday!!!

To everyone else, enjoy the weekend and have a Spooktacular Halloween!!!

Well I have to get going, Nat is pacing, assumably bored with me typing away, so I am going to go and pay attention to him.

What to do??

Well here we are, 4:15am wide awake with nothing to do. I am sitting in the basement staring at a blank TV because for some reason I can't get the stupid thing to work. You know how sometimes all you want to do is lay on the couch and watch mindnumbing shows, well that's me right now and I can't turn dang thing on! Last night Nat, Sarah and Tim were playing video games down here so I have a sneaking suspicion that something was turned off so as to prevent me from enjoying quality programming, because at 4am it's all about Court TV and Cops is definitely on some channel, just waiting for me to watch.

The extent of my frustration only begins with the now useless TV. Today will be my fourth day back on the Lupron and let me be clear, I hate this stuff. So far I have woken up the past two nights around 3am, just basically sitting up in bed wide awake. This action always, without fail, wakes up the cat who then starts meowing and moving around in bed searching for a better spot, somewhere within petting distance. I always try to close my eyes, pet the cat and try to think calming thoughts but that is usually the exact time when Nat rolls over and begins snoring in my face. After about 15 minutes of snoring Nat and whining cat, haha that rhymes, I muster the energy to get out of dodge. The nutty thing is that even though I am wide awake I am physically tired; so making the decision to go down two flights of stairs to sit on the sofa and watch TV instead of going to the guest bedroom was huge.

I now know that I should have stayed upstairs where TV's work and beds are plentifully.

So now the next choice, should I go back upstairs or stay down here and play on the internet and read until I am ready to fall back asleep. Upstairs I have a bed/TV combo guest room, but there is a half awake cat stalking that floor and my return will only call for constant petting until she is back asleep. Then again, I will already be in bed when I get sleepy so I could just roll over and pass out. On the other hand down here in the basement I have two books that I am currently reading, one scary and one that is interesting but a guaranteed yawner; but reading involves thinking and right now my brain is over 50% mush so reading might be out. I do have the sleep inducing sofa down here, it's so squishy and warm. This decision could also be risky considering I am getting the crazy hot flashes again, what to do, what to do.

Right now I wish I had an on call decision maker, I could just call her up give her two situations and she could tell me which scenario to go with. Yes I'm pathetic and complaining is my favorite past time, but man this no sleeping thing bends me out of shape. The big questions in life have been whittled down to weighing the pros and cons of sleeping in the basement or the guest bedroom.

I think I'm going to make the trek upstairs. I'm not entirely happy with this decision; I have to be quiet up there and remember the 15lb. stalker, well she found me down here so when we go up she is going to be in play mode. The decision really boils down to the fact that I need something to entertain me and since Nat wouldn't enjoy being forced awake TV is my next best choice.


Upstairs I go, to further my cause in the never ending quest for a full nights sleep. My enemy Lupron will be around for the next two weeks so expect more 4am blogs in the future; in a few days I will even be used to it so the whining Suzi will be the sadly accepting Suzi and normal blogging should return.

Sarah's Wedding Pictures

Ok, Nat and I look like deer stuck in headlights, but this post was about the other pictures. Sarah and Tim's wedding went off without a hitch. They were married October 8th at the chapel at First Presbyterian Church in York, Pa. Obviously these pictures were taken by Nat and I so don't make fun of the quality.

Getting Stuck

Yesterday was my first appointment with Jenny the accupunturist. I wasn't sure how I would do with acupuncture and as you will learn I'm still not too sure. The whole idea of Eastern medicine is "out there" to me; I mean I believe that vitamins and some herbs are good for you and can be a great supplement to Western medicine but the idea of sticking needles into my body to help me relax seemed and seems a bit weird. But what the heck, if it works I'll be strutting around in a kimono for the rest of my life!

Anyhow, my appointment was at 11am and I got there a little bit early because I had to fill out some questionnaires about the extent of my infertility. I was greeted at the door by Boomer, Jenny's black lab, who sat with me while I filled out my paper work. Most of the questions were about how my body works, if I'm normally hot or cold, if I get colds a lot, do I pee regularly, and other stuff about my period which I won't go into because even some rivers are too wide to cross! Once I was done I was led into a room with a massage table and a desk and chairs, new age music in the background and tons of Asian artwork, lamps, rugs and other stuff decorating the room. Boomer came with me. I was starting to feel like I had gotten myself in to some weird cult like situation and then I met Jenny.

I don't know why but she wasn't what I was expecting. She was a middle aged, overweight, white hippie woman that said "shit" within the first few sentences out of her mouth. She was funny and weird, but I liked her and she relaxed me quite a bit. We sat and talked for a little, realizing that she lived two blocks from where I grew up, and then we got down to business. Now let me start by saying that I really do believe that she knew what she was talking about and you could tell that she practiced what she preached. She asked me to lay on the table, on my back and the first thing she did was ask to touch my stomach with one hand and my upper rib cage area with the other.

Diagnosis #1- I have a cold uterus.

It was weird because I could feel the difference when I touched the areas; my stomach area was much colder. But what the cold uterus means, I dunno? The next set of questions led her to the next diagnosis:

#2- I have great kidneys.

Apparently if you have thick hair your kidneys ROCK! There were other qualifications for this diagnosis but all I really remember was the thick hair part. Finally all that hair has a purpose! My other diagnosis were:

#3- Excess body heat
#4- Excess blood (or something like that?!)

So after telling me about my ailments it was time to begin with the pricking. I was laying on my back with pillows under my head and knees. There was a small heat lamp over my abdomen, warming up my cold uterus. The new age music was turned up and just as I was trying to make out what the singer was trying to say, which was not in English, I got my first puncture.

For some reason I was under the delusion that these needles would be so tiny that I wouldn't really feel them, WRONG! The first needle was about two inches under my belly button and I definitely felt it. The next two in my belly didn't hurt and the ones on my hand, arm, leg and forehead didn't bother me either, but then there was the one on my foot, my right foot to be exact. The needle went in to the vein right next to my ankle bone on the inside of my foot and man did that sting. Jenny's excuse for that one is that that was the spot that is inline with my kidneys and since my kidneys are so awesome that it might hurt a little. Whatever.

Once Jenny was done she left me, the heating lamp, and the crazy new age lady singing some weird music alone for about 30 minutes. I will admit that it was relaxing having the heating lamp on me, it was dark and raining outside and that little bit of heat made me feel warm and cozy. But every time I would open my eyes I could see this needle sticking out of my forehead and I'll be honest, it freaked me out a little. After laying there and trying to relax for a half and hour Jenny came back, removed the needles and sent me on my way, with an appointment to come back next week.

That was it, my first experience with Acupuncture. I still don't know how I was suppose to feel and to some extent wondering if I did the relaxing part right. Jenny told me to order this book about Infertility and Eastern medicine, so like a sucker I did. I guess I'll try anything once. I go back again next Wednesday, back to redo this whole weird thing again. Hopefully by then someone will tell me how this is supposed to work?!

My Scout

I took this picture the other day of my cat Scout and for some unknown reason I thought you might like to see her. Isn't she cool?! The reason I really like this picture is because you can't see how fat she is and I'm not being mean, she's a porker. But she's my porker and I love her! Ok randomness over.... Read on, the following post is the real meat and potatoes........

IVF Pt. 2

Our post IVF meeting was bright and early this morning with Dr. Filer. He let us know that there was nothing wrong with our past cycle, in fact everything looked great, we just happened to be on the wrong end of the statistical average. How about that luck! Our next cycle will begin as soon as my monthly friend decides to rear its ugly head, the progesterone shots delay your period but also intensify it because its sole purpose is to keep your lining thick. Awesome again! I will then be on birth control pills to regulate my cycle to their schedule and then the fun drugs begin anew.

This time I will be on Lupron, the hot-flash drug, and Estrace, a pill(finally), that I still haven't figured out what it does. Since they won't be needing me to produce any eggs this time I'm assuming the Estrace will suppress my ovaries some how? And Nat's job will eventually return with the progesterone shots after the transfer.

This cycle is officially called an FET, frozen embryo transfer. If you remember from my blog we were able to freeze 7 embryos from our stimulated cycle. We are again going to transfer 3 embryos so they will begin by thawing 3 and if one of them doesn't survive the thawing process they will thaw another until we have 3. They will then perform a procedure called Assisted Hatching on the embryos, which will puncture the shell of the embryo to create a little break in the shell that will help it attach better to the uterus. Apparently when you freeze these guys their shell hardens a little too much so they need a helping hand. From that point on everything else will proceed exactly like before, the transfer and the wait. I am already dreading the water torture phase where I have to drink until the point of explosion for the transfer, how haven't they figured out a better way to do that yet?!

My transfer will be the week before Thanksgiving, either on that Tuesday or Thursday. I checked the calendar and there is a full moon on that Wednesday, is that good luck or bad luck? I am also going to give acupuncture a try this time. You wouldn't believe all of the women that swear by it for IVF cycles; so I figure what the heck, it can't hurt and maybe it will relax me. I have my first session for that a week from today, so that will most likely be my next post. This weekend is my little sister Sarah's wedding so I will be in full party mode and like my mom said, it stinks that this cycle didn't work but at least I can drink at the wedding! (she always tries to find the silver lining!)

I hope everybody has a great weekend!!!!

On to November

Well it's official, I'm not pregnant this time.

I started having some pretty heavy cramping on Saturday and then began spotting later that evening. My dad had taken my sisters and I to see the Rolling Stones that night and I knew something wasn't right because my dancing was sub-par and my funk was all out of whack. I called my doctor Sunday morning and he told me to come in this morning(Monday) and have a blood test. They just called.

So this stinks, I was all excited this time, I thought this was finally my month! I'm still hopeful that this is going to work for us, I haven't lost my positivity. We have a meeting with our doctor on Wednesday morning to discuss what went wrong and how to fix it on our next attempt, which will be in November. As for right now, I am going to get a little retail therapy this afternoon at the outlets in Lancaster. Maybe a new pair of shoes or a purse will help a little bit?!

Thank you, all of you, for your thoughts and prayers and continued support through this whole ordeal. November will mark our 1 year anniversary with infertility treatment and that is a long time to support a moody friend. I have faith that somewhere out there in the ether a child is waiting for Nat and I, it may not turn out to be our flesh and blood like we had wanted, but it will be the one destined to be the love of our lives.

On to the next chapter.....