Well here we are once again; another failed attempt at this IVF/FET thing. I had the blood test done this morning and this time I was feeling pretty good about the outcome. I don't know what in particular made me feel so positive but I really thought this was the month, Nat and I both did. The negative result threw us both for a loop.
We are doing well now; Mexican food and beer helps. Over chips, salsa and some Dos Equis we decided that we are going to take a little break from all of the drugs and heartache. To us it seems as though our past year has been all about having a baby and since we have had to deal with a bunch of negative results we are at a bit of a breaking point. We aren't giving up forever, just taking a much needed break. Part of our break will be looking in to international adoption, China in particular. We are both looking forward to learning about the program and about the possiblity of bringing home a little girl of our own.
We are bummed about todays results, don't get me wrong, but we aren't giving up just yet. I know no matter what happens my friends and family will be there to support us in our decisions and that keeps me staying positive.
I'll continue to update my blog, but it might be a bit more random as events unfold. Thanks again for all of your thoughts, prayers and support. I promise you that it has helped more than you could ever know.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
What I'm Thankful For
This Thanksgiving season I have many things to be thankful for; I have a husband who loves me, a great family, a super awesome fat cat, a nice home and wonderful friends. Yet yesterday my previous reasons to give thanks were all blown away by one simple thing;
NO MORE PROGESTERONE SHOTS!!!!!!! (Woo-hoo, yippie, halleujah!!)
Here is the lead up story to yesterday:
Nat had been giving me the progesterone shots for just over a week, 16 injections to be specific, and all on my left side because my fertility doctor was concerned that I had some residual numbness on my right side from the previous months injections. I had been waiting since injection one to see the neurologist to get cleared for shots to resume on the right, but when I made the appointment Monday the 21st was all they had, I would have to suck it up and wait through 8 days of shots.
After day 3 my sucking up had been sucked out.
When I say that I was in pain from all these shots hitting one muscle, twice daily, I would be underselling it. My flanks were swollen, discolored, and the muscle was in constant flex. I was walking with a limp, waking myself up in the middle of the night from rolling over, and every new injection would almost bring Nat and I to tears. The best analogy I could come up with was that it felt like stitches that kept tearing open, if you have ever had surgery you know that tugging feeling. I was basically in constant pain with only Tylenol, ice packs and a heating pad at my disposal. Ugh.
By yesterday morning I was ready for that neurology appointment. I knew, just knew, that the doctor would check out my thigh, say it was normal and let Nat resume shooting me in righty. I went to my appointment in the pouring rain and waited patiently for the doctor to clear me and send me on my way.
Not to be. (Of course by now you should know that!)
Now you would think that at this stage of the game I would be prepared for anything; I mean this whole infertility thing hasn't exactly gone swimmingly for me. When I met Dr. May, the neurologist, he began asking me what was going on and I filled him in on the thigh numbness and the tenderness that I still had on my right side. He asked if I was having numbness this time on my left side and of course I was, I had it on both sides last time as well. What's the big deal?
I guess the numbness is always a big deal, he said I should have seen him the first time I had any numbness, it's not normal; You know that does make sense. He made me lie down on the doctor table and proceeded to poke me with a toothpick, and put hot and cold items on the affected areas of my thighs.
Couldn't feel a damn thing.
All this led him to the conclusion that I had actually damaged my nerves. He explained that nerves take a long time to recover so we won't know if it's permanent or for at least 6 months. Can you believe this? By now you are all saying, duh, yes Suzi, you are a walking time bomb. He recommended no more injections and with that no more sore butt, no more leaning and hobbling. YAY!! Is it weird to be a little happy you have nerve damage to get out of something? I'm still taking progesterone in another form, think injection without needles, so my body should stay happy.
So yes I have nerve damage, but since it might not be permanent (fingers crossed) I am going to look at this with positivity. Another crisis somewhat avoided.
Well Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I hope you all spend the day with people you love and give thanks for those who love you. Talk to you soon!!!
NO MORE PROGESTERONE SHOTS!!!!!!! (Woo-hoo, yippie, halleujah!!)
Here is the lead up story to yesterday:
Nat had been giving me the progesterone shots for just over a week, 16 injections to be specific, and all on my left side because my fertility doctor was concerned that I had some residual numbness on my right side from the previous months injections. I had been waiting since injection one to see the neurologist to get cleared for shots to resume on the right, but when I made the appointment Monday the 21st was all they had, I would have to suck it up and wait through 8 days of shots.
After day 3 my sucking up had been sucked out.
When I say that I was in pain from all these shots hitting one muscle, twice daily, I would be underselling it. My flanks were swollen, discolored, and the muscle was in constant flex. I was walking with a limp, waking myself up in the middle of the night from rolling over, and every new injection would almost bring Nat and I to tears. The best analogy I could come up with was that it felt like stitches that kept tearing open, if you have ever had surgery you know that tugging feeling. I was basically in constant pain with only Tylenol, ice packs and a heating pad at my disposal. Ugh.
By yesterday morning I was ready for that neurology appointment. I knew, just knew, that the doctor would check out my thigh, say it was normal and let Nat resume shooting me in righty. I went to my appointment in the pouring rain and waited patiently for the doctor to clear me and send me on my way.
Not to be. (Of course by now you should know that!)
Now you would think that at this stage of the game I would be prepared for anything; I mean this whole infertility thing hasn't exactly gone swimmingly for me. When I met Dr. May, the neurologist, he began asking me what was going on and I filled him in on the thigh numbness and the tenderness that I still had on my right side. He asked if I was having numbness this time on my left side and of course I was, I had it on both sides last time as well. What's the big deal?
I guess the numbness is always a big deal, he said I should have seen him the first time I had any numbness, it's not normal; You know that does make sense. He made me lie down on the doctor table and proceeded to poke me with a toothpick, and put hot and cold items on the affected areas of my thighs.
Couldn't feel a damn thing.
All this led him to the conclusion that I had actually damaged my nerves. He explained that nerves take a long time to recover so we won't know if it's permanent or for at least 6 months. Can you believe this? By now you are all saying, duh, yes Suzi, you are a walking time bomb. He recommended no more injections and with that no more sore butt, no more leaning and hobbling. YAY!! Is it weird to be a little happy you have nerve damage to get out of something? I'm still taking progesterone in another form, think injection without needles, so my body should stay happy.
So yes I have nerve damage, but since it might not be permanent (fingers crossed) I am going to look at this with positivity. Another crisis somewhat avoided.
Well Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I hope you all spend the day with people you love and give thanks for those who love you. Talk to you soon!!!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Fingers and Toes Are Crossed!
Good evening all, hummmm I guess it will be morning when you read this, so good morning! It is 11:30pm and I am wide awake, in bed, with nothing but the TV and laptop; I am already sick of the TV so I thought I would let you all know how the day went.
I'll begin by letting you that I thought I wasn't nervous this time around but at 3:30am last night I was wide awake, watching Cops, and trying to lure myself to sleep. I guess on some level it worked because the next time I looked at the clock it was 8am; TRANSFER DAY!!! Yippie!! I started my day with my usual shot of progesterone, a few assorted pills and a hot shower. Nothing out of the ordinary.
On advise from Amy Mishler, Nat and I took a different route to the doctors office this morning, maybe a change of perspective will shed new light on the outcome. We arrived early and to be honest I was a little relieved because I hadn't been drinking the amount of water that I should have been, you know trying to cheat the system. I changed in to that horrible hospital gown that never seems big enough to cover your butt and began taking sips of water when none of the nurses were around, I didn't want them to catch me breaking the rules.
They were running a little late this morning and I wasn't taken into the transfer room until about 11:15am. The first thing they do when you get in the room is lay you down on the table and do an ultrasound to check the fullness of your bladder and guess what?? All of my cheating finally caught up to me, boo. The ultrasound lady, Lisa, looked at me and shook her head; I knew that look. My bladder, and to a larger extent I, had failed the test. For the next 45 minutes I was slamming water down my throat in 8oz. portions, stupid small Styrofoam cups, and after no doubt making everyone in there want to kill me for ruining their lunch break, the transfer was back on.
I was given a shot of Versed, a muscle relaxer, and three embryos were transferred in to me with little discomfort. Once again when they had finished the transfer they tilted the table back and hung me upside down, not really but it felt like it, for 30 minutes. Last time we did this Nat and I read the newspaper and chatted, took the 30 minutes to discuss current events and bond a bit. This time, I fell asleep. I didn't just doze off, I was snoring and dreaming and then next thing I remember is Sue the nurse coming up beside the table and saying "Did she fall asleep?". Yes I did. I couldn't believe how out of it I was, the last time I made it through the 30 minute wait, the car ride home and lunch before I crashed. This time I don't think I even spoke on the car ride home, went straight to bed and woke up around 5:15pm. How strange is that?!
Anyhow, my timing was awesome because about 30 minutes after arising from my drug induced coma my dad showed up with some homemade mac and cheese, which was deliciously cheesy! Five minutes after my dad arrived my father-in-law showed up with two subs and some beef stew, courtesy of my mother-in-law and 10 minutes after that my mom showed up to keep me company and chat. I won't have to cook at all this week, yay for me!
So that was my day. Besides getting busted for not drinking enough water and snoring for the lucky staff at the clinic everything went really, really well. Unfortunately the rest of my day, sleeping and eating, don't really fill the pages so I'm going to have to end this entry. Back to watching Court TV and playing Sudoku...........
I'll begin by letting you that I thought I wasn't nervous this time around but at 3:30am last night I was wide awake, watching Cops, and trying to lure myself to sleep. I guess on some level it worked because the next time I looked at the clock it was 8am; TRANSFER DAY!!! Yippie!! I started my day with my usual shot of progesterone, a few assorted pills and a hot shower. Nothing out of the ordinary.
On advise from Amy Mishler, Nat and I took a different route to the doctors office this morning, maybe a change of perspective will shed new light on the outcome. We arrived early and to be honest I was a little relieved because I hadn't been drinking the amount of water that I should have been, you know trying to cheat the system. I changed in to that horrible hospital gown that never seems big enough to cover your butt and began taking sips of water when none of the nurses were around, I didn't want them to catch me breaking the rules.
They were running a little late this morning and I wasn't taken into the transfer room until about 11:15am. The first thing they do when you get in the room is lay you down on the table and do an ultrasound to check the fullness of your bladder and guess what?? All of my cheating finally caught up to me, boo. The ultrasound lady, Lisa, looked at me and shook her head; I knew that look. My bladder, and to a larger extent I, had failed the test. For the next 45 minutes I was slamming water down my throat in 8oz. portions, stupid small Styrofoam cups, and after no doubt making everyone in there want to kill me for ruining their lunch break, the transfer was back on.
I was given a shot of Versed, a muscle relaxer, and three embryos were transferred in to me with little discomfort. Once again when they had finished the transfer they tilted the table back and hung me upside down, not really but it felt like it, for 30 minutes. Last time we did this Nat and I read the newspaper and chatted, took the 30 minutes to discuss current events and bond a bit. This time, I fell asleep. I didn't just doze off, I was snoring and dreaming and then next thing I remember is Sue the nurse coming up beside the table and saying "Did she fall asleep?". Yes I did. I couldn't believe how out of it I was, the last time I made it through the 30 minute wait, the car ride home and lunch before I crashed. This time I don't think I even spoke on the car ride home, went straight to bed and woke up around 5:15pm. How strange is that?!
Anyhow, my timing was awesome because about 30 minutes after arising from my drug induced coma my dad showed up with some homemade mac and cheese, which was deliciously cheesy! Five minutes after my dad arrived my father-in-law showed up with two subs and some beef stew, courtesy of my mother-in-law and 10 minutes after that my mom showed up to keep me company and chat. I won't have to cook at all this week, yay for me!
So that was my day. Besides getting busted for not drinking enough water and snoring for the lucky staff at the clinic everything went really, really well. Unfortunately the rest of my day, sleeping and eating, don't really fill the pages so I'm going to have to end this entry. Back to watching Court TV and playing Sudoku...........
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Finally
Tomorrow is the big day!
Dr. Michelle called a little bit ago to inform me that go time is tomorrow at 11am. I will once again have to go through the water torture ritual to make sure my bladder is nice and full and have to lie on the table thinking only about the sweet, sweet relief of the catheter. Pathetic huh?
For the FET cycle the doctors have to unfreeze some the remaining embroys that were frozen from the last "fresh" cycle. We chose to have three embroys inserted again and luckily all three embryos that were thawed for the procedure made it out A-Ok so we won't have to use any of the remaining 4. This was actually amazing because Nat and I were told about half of the thawed guys don't make it, so once again we are thinking somebody up there might like us!
Well that is all for now. I will send out an update tomorrow after the procedure and the drug induced nap that follows. At 11am, 10am Central, and 9 am Mountain (don't think I have anyone Pacific) please send me some good vibes, I'll need them!
Dr. Michelle called a little bit ago to inform me that go time is tomorrow at 11am. I will once again have to go through the water torture ritual to make sure my bladder is nice and full and have to lie on the table thinking only about the sweet, sweet relief of the catheter. Pathetic huh?
For the FET cycle the doctors have to unfreeze some the remaining embroys that were frozen from the last "fresh" cycle. We chose to have three embroys inserted again and luckily all three embryos that were thawed for the procedure made it out A-Ok so we won't have to use any of the remaining 4. This was actually amazing because Nat and I were told about half of the thawed guys don't make it, so once again we are thinking somebody up there might like us!
Well that is all for now. I will send out an update tomorrow after the procedure and the drug induced nap that follows. At 11am, 10am Central, and 9 am Mountain (don't think I have anyone Pacific) please send me some good vibes, I'll need them!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Go Time, Part Deux
It's almost transfer time!!
This morning was my last ultrasound before the transfer on the 16th. Since I wasn't growing any eggs this time around my body has gotten a huge break; in fact I almost feel normal, well Suzi normal, a little different?! I have only had to do bloodwork once and today was the third ultrasound, compare that with five of each last time. I'm still not sleeping on a regular basis and yes the moodiness is back with a vengeance, but I'm not in pain from 3 lb. Ovaries so I consider this a walk in the park, with a slight incline.
Right now you're probably thinking, "wow, I'm glad Suzi is having an easier time this month she deserves it because she is so awesome(hehe)". Well not so fast sisters and random brothers who actually read this; I haven't gotten to the drugs.
Aah, the drugs. Right now I am giving myself a shot of Lupron every day and taking Estrogen pills twice a day. The Lupron stops on Saturday, but the Estrogen continues until the 10th week of pregnancy. Sunday night Nat starts giving me the fun shots of progesterone, twice daily beginning Monday, the same day I also begin taking Medrol, a steroid, and Doxcycline, some kind of antibiotic, I think?
Now I want you all to think back to my last blog in which I told you about the continuing numbness on the outside of my right leg and how I have to go and see a neurologist? (If not please refer to the previous blog and try to keep up, this blog isn't for the slow or the weak at heart!) Well now that numbness comes in to play; my doctor just called and said that those progesterone shots that has Nat to give me can only go on my left side.
How freakin' awesome!
So twice a day for possibly 8 weeks I will be getting a shot, in the butt, from this needle.
This morning was my last ultrasound before the transfer on the 16th. Since I wasn't growing any eggs this time around my body has gotten a huge break; in fact I almost feel normal, well Suzi normal, a little different?! I have only had to do bloodwork once and today was the third ultrasound, compare that with five of each last time. I'm still not sleeping on a regular basis and yes the moodiness is back with a vengeance, but I'm not in pain from 3 lb. Ovaries so I consider this a walk in the park, with a slight incline.
Right now you're probably thinking, "wow, I'm glad Suzi is having an easier time this month she deserves it because she is so awesome(hehe)". Well not so fast sisters and random brothers who actually read this; I haven't gotten to the drugs.
Aah, the drugs. Right now I am giving myself a shot of Lupron every day and taking Estrogen pills twice a day. The Lupron stops on Saturday, but the Estrogen continues until the 10th week of pregnancy. Sunday night Nat starts giving me the fun shots of progesterone, twice daily beginning Monday, the same day I also begin taking Medrol, a steroid, and Doxcycline, some kind of antibiotic, I think?
Now I want you all to think back to my last blog in which I told you about the continuing numbness on the outside of my right leg and how I have to go and see a neurologist? (If not please refer to the previous blog and try to keep up, this blog isn't for the slow or the weak at heart!) Well now that numbness comes in to play; my doctor just called and said that those progesterone shots that has Nat to give me can only go on my left side.
How freakin' awesome!
So twice a day for possibly 8 weeks I will be getting a shot, in the butt, from this needle.
I bet you feel sorry for me again, am I right?!
That needle isn't little and it has to bite me twice a day in the same spot, lucky me! I'm actually hyping this up a bit, surprisingly that shot isn't too bad, having a fat butt comes in handy for once. I'm more nervous about the twice a day in one spot issue, last month I got one shot a day on either side and was a bit sore. Woe is me.
Ok that's enough out of me for now. My sister-in-law Christy is coming home this weekend and then on Sunday or Monday my friend Michelle and her daughter Makenzie are coming up to York until Tuesday, so basically I will be continually distracted until my transfer! Yay!!
Fingers and toes crossed for Wednesday please. I'll update from my bedrest.......
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Is it really November?
How about this weather??
If you aren't a Yorker then let me tell you, 75 degree days in November are not the norm! Yesterday, while watching the Penn State game, the commentators were talking about how funny it was to be in Happy Valley in November and there not being any snow or freezing weather. It's crazy, but we are loving it!
Since it will most likely be the last bit of warm weather mother nature will throw our way Nat and I decided to take a hike, literally. About 1 mile from our house is Lake Redman, a lake, duh, and park with trails and tons of gorgeous trees that are just reaching their peak fall coloring. It was great, some sun, fun and exercise.
On the medical front, I had another ultrasound on Friday and everything is looking good. I let Dr. Filer know that I was still having numbness in my leg from the progesterone shots, they ended over a month ago, and he said that wasn't normal and set me up with a neurology appointment. Who knows what will come of that appointment; just more weird stories to add to my already long list. Speaking of weird, no acupuncture this week, Jenny is in Jamaica......maybe that's where she gets that sage stuff she burned during last weeks appointment?! Hum......
Well it's off to the basement to watch some football. Have a good week!!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it must be a duck, right?
This is me about 2 hours ago, laying on the table with needles sticking out of my stomach. I played secret undercover journalist today, steathily sneaking my camera in to the acupuncturist. You can see that they are little, skinny needles, I swear they don't hurt at all, but they are weird to look at. Taking this picture turned out to be a bit more difficult than I had planned, I had a needle on the inner side of my elbow so I couldn't bend my right arm. Have you ever tried taking a picture with your left hand, not easy!!
I smell like a giant doobie!!
As soon as Jenny lit this herbal cigar thing it was like a giant flashback to the dorms on a Friday night at West Virginia University. That smell was so dead on that I was actually watching my speed on the way home thinking that if I got pulled over there was no way of avoiding jail. Seriously. After she lit the "joint" she ran it up and down my legs and feet and over my stomach, close enough to my skin that I could feel the heat. Jenny said that the smoke would open up my pathways and cleanse my spleen and kidneys, important for keeping my chi flowing correctly.
Okey Dokey!
All I know that it did for sure was make me reek so badly that my cat ran in the opposite direction when I came in the front door. I ran up to the bedroom and immediately ripped off my "acupuncture clothes" and threw them in the hamper, stuffing them way down to the bottom. I should just throw them in the laundry but I want Nat to smell that smell, aahh the joys of being my husband.
Well oddly enough after all of this excitement I am now sleepy, the faux Mary Jane is taking its' toll. I taped the Amazing Race from last night so I think I am going to get all snuggled back in bed and watch my favorite crazy Italian family embarrass themselves once again on national television, their favorite pastime is yelling at each other and they are great at it! (if you watch that show you know who I'm talking about)
Have a great day!!!
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